Maybe some have heard or known but maybe some have not.
I hang my boots as a stay-at-home mum and picked up my heels again to be a working mummy.

Yes I did! After 20 months being at home. That's how old Radiah is today.

So for many SAHMs who welcomed me back then, it is time to bade me goodbye as I leave the boat.
But I pray you will not label me as a traitor to my children. For leaving the children behind in the hands of caretakers while I earn my dollars and cents.
I pray you do not look at me buying gifts for my children as an act just to appease them.
I pray you do not look at me as a woman who prioritize money over the well-being of the children.

But to be honest, I do not actually care about the label put upon me. Because only I know my intentions and I will only do what is best for my family.
I am a mother and a wife before anything else.

I have been on both sides of the world. Being a working mom and being stay at home mom.
I love being a working mom and I love being a stay at home mom. I am a woman and naturally I am fickle like that.

But in honest truth, whether working or not, I would love to have my kids by me 24/7
Is that possible?

Well I thought so.

So after I delivered by third sweetheart, I waved goodbye to the organisation I was working with for 5 years, determined never to return. Then I picked up my passion I built 10 years ago. I was telling myself 'Ahhh.. now I truly have the time to build whatever I would love to.'

So I continued trading which many ladies are doing today. Buy low; sell high. The cutting edge will be on the number of following and your own marketing. I know it is not easy but I thought since I already had a head start over the decade, why not? Every road surely has its challenges but I figured I got it.

Not how I would imagine it to be though.
I thought with my own office I was able to launch products and work from the comfort of home. Easy isn't it. Mail outs every 2 to 3 days in a week. Reply to customers at the comfort of my bed or while bringing the kids out for play.

Again to cut long story short, I thought it was easy. I thought so.

I underestimated being a stay at home mom. Ok wait.. there is a difference being a stay at home mom with a maid and without a maid. I was a stay at home mom without a maid. Of course the level of satisfaction is different but there I have my children asking for me from the moment they open their eyes till the time they close their eyes. Sometimes at night with their eyes closed also they can still call out for me.

I probably:

• change 10 to 15 diapers a day.
• Go into the showers up to 12 times a day (2 of which are mine).
• Prepare food like every other time.
• Make 15 milk bottles everyday.
• Get the laundry is done everyday.
• Iron everyone's clothes
• Send Rania to school.
• Check on her school work
• I am a person who must make my bed everyday including mopping it. 

There were so many things which I wanted to do for myself and I couldn't do.
But yes, I slept a happy woman. I sleep every night with pride and knowing that I took care of my cubs. I was there at their every fall. I was the one making their milk every time they are thirsty. I know the kind of food that goes inside their mouth.
Being a stay at home mom means I get my 10-min power naps in the cab or when the kids are having their afternoon naps or just anywhere.

During the 20 months which I was at home, the family did alright. Of course financially we were not as lavish as before. It was a sacrifice. Still I felt there were times were still able to eat nice food and kids still get their toys. I am so glad that my children are not very picky. During crunch times, $2 toys from Daiso make them happy.

Until we explored into a business adventure and explored it beyond what we thought was capable. That was when things took a downhill.

I would not say I suffered a loss or my own business suffered a loss. Whatever that I went through, the whole family went through with me. I probably felt so wrecked ad exhausted beyond words. It took me many months to recover financially and be on my feet again. It was not just financially that impacted me. It impacted me psychologically, mentally and I was drained.

Still, I was very lucky.
I was lucky that my losses took me only a few months to regain me back on my feet. I was lucky that I had people who believed in my intentions. I was lucky that I had many loved ones who told me that I would come out from this experience with greater maturity. It was definitely a lesson to learn and remember.

Like I said, whatever impacted me, impacted my family as well.

So I sat down one day and thought through the whole idea of being a stay at home mom.
Was I able to do with less? Not eating out most times? Not going out as much as I would like to? Take the buses and trains more than the cabs? Not buying any bags? or shoes? Not even getting myself new clothes?

Yes yes yes yes yes....

I am a very simple lady. Simple-minded as well.
During this stride, I learn a lot about humility. It pains you when people think you are unable to afford some things in life. It pains you when people puts you at a level below them.
But I have learnt to take the bullet. Swallowed the bitter pill.

I told myself it was God's way to teach me humility. Well, the lesson was a long time.
Long is subjective. In my case we were not looking at months. We were looking at years where I had to bite the bullet.
But after a while I got used to it.
I smile at during those instances. Because I know life is a wheel. I was up. Then i came down.
Today may be your day. Someday, my day will come. I kept my faith.

My husband always say my level of tolerance is very high. But I always reminded him that it is not up to us punish people or put them in their places. We leave it all to the Divine One.

My heart was very heavy to return back to work. I discuss this with the husband and he being the awesome one, he said he has no right to make me return to work because the responsibility to feed the family was him. Not me.
But I shared with him that the economy is on a downturn and we would not know what the future would hold for us.

Of course I had my breaking points. I had moments where I questioned God and His Intentions (which is awfully wrong to do). I wondered how long more. And those were also the times where we got our greatest test from the business ventures we did.
There were many payments we did not receive. Commissions we were not paid. We were shortchanged for the work we did.
But that was business. It was not like a 9 to 6 job which quantifies for $x every month, no matter how little or how hard we worked. Business is a risk.

Still, those who did what they did, I only prayed to Him that He took care of my family. My children especially, for they did not understand anything which was going on. I made sure they were carefree as much as they can be.

Hence, despite all that, I thank Him for the health he gave my whole family. I thank Him for the solid rock marriage I was in. It was a gift.

I took my last straw.
I consulted a close family friend and asked if I should go back to the working world. It was a short and simple question, to which I was given a short and sweet reply. "Yes."

So I finally swallowed the fact I was going to bid goodbye to my SAHM title. I worried a lot about the children. I wondered if they could go through the days without me.

Within 2 weeks, I secured a role. Again in the IT industry, after 11 years, that became my second passion. Well, I didn't think I was going to be selected. There were probably 40 of interviewed (or more). 4 selected. I was one of them. It was mind-blowing.
I was crying in happiness. I hugged my eldest daughter and she said, "Come siblings. Give mummy a hug. She got a job."

Funny thing, when the husband asked about my remuneration, I laughed and I said,"I have no idea."

3 weeks into the role now, alhamdulillah things are settling down. The whole family is getting into a regime and the children are so adaptable. I totally underestimated them.
Radiah did not ask to be breastfed during office hours. Riduan is so well-behaved. Rania stepped up to take care of her other siblings. I am so blessed.
The moment I stepped into the car, greeting everyone, that is the time when I immediately hear squeals, shouts and cries all at the same time. I will always smile.

Nothing beats coming home to the family. In life we all make sacrifices.
It is important to remind yourself that the sacrifice we make need not be the same as the others. While other mummies sacrifice being a SAHM, there are mummies who sacrifice by heading to a 8-hour job. Sacrifice is never quantifiable.

Am I pleasing myself for the fact I head back to work? No.

As I always say, keep the intentions right and let Him pave the way for you.



I know who I am.
I am a mummy. A wife. A working professional.
This itself is fi sabilillah.

Vagisil - Everyone's bestfriend

This should be everyone's best friend.
Well, it has been mine for the longest time! 10 years maybe! And I really want to share this with my readers.

For many years I have with sharing it with my lady friends and mummies but they seem to give me that 'ARE-YOU-SURE' look. I really cannot help but to give them the 'CAN'T-YOU-TELL-IM-SERIOUS' look in return.
Well, it all started when many ask me what was my secret to having flawless skin.

*cough*cough*

I do not have flawless skin. (Happy now?)I have a slightly an uneven skin tone and dark eye rings which I have to thank my genetics for that. Yes, dark eye rings can be genetic and I had mine confirmed by a doctor.
But I have to admit that I do have almost zit-free skin. I used to have a T-zone issue - long time back.

Of course Vagisil is popularly known as a cleaning liquid to wash and clean our lady bits. I always wonder why they have these products because we were taught since young to wash with soap during showers and during visits to the toilet. Nonetheless, I share with the ladies that I use it as a facial wash.

YUP. FACIAL WASH.

Ok, are you going to give me that face again behind the screen?

But truly, this is the one and only facial wash you will ever going to need. I am not a fan of skin solutions because I think they are overly expensive and I really do not have the capacity, be it time or energy to cleanse my face, use tons of cotton wools and toners which are overly drying to the skin. What more moisturisers. Gosh! I hate going to sleep with a sticky face.

So everytime I wash my face in the shower or when I need to take my abolution, I always do it with a 20-cent coin size of Vagisil. Wash it over my face and it cleans make up! Of course for waterproof ones, you need probably about $1 coin size of Vagisil. As for me, I only use foundation, eyebrow colour, eyeliner, blusher, sometimes a little mascara, rarely lipsticks which will be gone after a meal and too lazy to reapply again. So the make up washes off in a jiffy!

Why Vagisil as a facial wash?

1. It works on all skin types.
Vagisil is pH balanced so it is really useful for acne prone skin. As for me, I no longer have T-zone skin. In fact, it will not even leave your skin dry because of balanced pH. So really, this is truly a cheaper option to the many facial wash that you have been trying.

In fact, there are some of Vagisil formulation that contains probiotics and can help to clear up blemishes.

2. It is nicely scented.
I swear upon this. It is awesomely fresh yet sweet smell which is a bonus on top of the clean feel you have on your skin. Of course you can opt for the unscented version.

3. It is hypoallergenic.
I am allergic to 1001 things and when I knew that this formulation was hypoallergic, I was so delighted to use it without much thought.
It is really meant for delicate skin isn't it? Well, why not for the face.

4. It is way cheaper than your bottles of your skin care.
That I need not explain any further.

I am sure the gentlemen will have some reservations using them. Well, if you have a wife, just squeeze out some for yourself. She would not know the different. There is a large amount of love to be shared. Typically a bottle can last myself(only) for 2 months or so.

If you have yet to be married, well, just transfer it to another clear bottle. No one will notice.

Well, there was a day when I was home with the 3 kids alone and preparing lunch. I was happily cutting away the chilli and a couple strands of hair was tickling my nose. Without thinking, or more like a reflex action, I pulled those strands of hair away. Within moments, I felt the piercing heat from the chilli on my nose and cheeks.

I was panicking and had no idea what to do next. The pain was getting intense. I went to the toilet to wash it off and contemplated to apply some toothpaste on it to cool it down. But when I entered the toilet, I saw my facial wash aka Vagisil and I washed my whole face with it.

Trust me, the pain and heat subsided and I felt very clever. Vagisil is pH balanced, hence it neutralises the acidity of the chilli on my skin! Tadaa!

Someone I knew has eczema and when I shared with her about the pH balance of this, she used it as her shower gel. Apparently, she shared that it didn't dry her skin and she felt like the wash didn't rip her off her body moisture!

So ladies, if you are still wondering which facial wash can serve you best, I hope you will give Vagisil a shot. I'm pretty sure it can be love after first wash!

What to expect at 33 weeks

They say every pregnancy is different.
Well, that is very true indeed! In both pregnancy I faced and am facing, there are both joys and challenges during those weeks.

While pregnant with Rania, my asthma was at the peak and a lot of money was spent on medical expenses.
With Rania, I grew wide. With this little boy, I grew forward. Alfi can already the little boy's legs kicking up under my breast bone and many times, I feel uncomfortable sitting down and yet my legs are not able to carry my weight long enough.
Eating would mean that I need to feed small reasonable portions more often.

Reflux has been in my dictionary for the past few weeks.

I am already as heavy as my last day of pregnancy with Rania. I gave birth to Rania at 89.7kg.
I am now 88.6kg. (whoever counts a kilo!)

Technically I have 3 to 4 weeks to go till I hit 37 weeks.
My gynae gave me the heads up that I should be giving birth around this time frame since Rania was born at 36 weeks + 6 days.
My waterbag leaked and I was already at the delivery suite at 36 weeks + 5 days.

At 33 weeks, needless for me to say that I am no longer as mobile, my back is breaking all the time and working is now a chore because I need a short lie down after a couple of hours each time.
So most of the time, I am working from home because of the convenience of the bed when I need a short break.

For the past few weeks I started having sleepless nights only that the past few days have been worse.
I cant seem to sleep.

The pillows are too low. The pillows are too high. The stomach is an obstruction to turn left or right. The little boy doesn't like it if I lie flat. To turn is a chore. It does not help that Rania creeps up to me to sleep close to me. Stomach is too big that I cant breathe well. Night visits to the toilet is a daily affair!

It is frustrating!

Last night was an epic example where I slept at 1.30am, woke up 6 times till 4am to head to the loo to pee.
In those 6 times, the longest I slept was 45 mins and woke up frustrated.
That is minus waking up to Rania's pampered cries, her milk at 3am.

Then at 4am, I decided to watch TV. Just when I napped for 10 mins, the little girl was up crying and ate her cornflakes.
There goes Mummy's sleep till 6.30am.
The next thing I knew, I woke up at 10.30am.

Anyway, I was teaching a topic on Sexual Reproduction to one of the students and how sperms carry 23 chromosomes and so does the ova. How the nucleus carry DNA materials.
Then that night, I went out for dinner and bought my iPhone 5 casings at Cineleisure for $2 a piece!
After picking out the colours, I realised, the colours didn't differ much.

Later that night, I told Alfi,"This is how it will look like when we have 5 kids."



Some will have your character, some will have mine. Some will have your stronger character. Some milder.
But surely there will be at least one who will probably be more colourful.

Then I said, "Guess what, in every family, there will always be what we would call a black sheep. So I am not sure if this permutation will happen to us."



Yes, as much as I am excited to see our male by-product, I am very anxious about having to handle two children and their respective antics.
The thoughts did not go away since I got pregnant. There is definitely an element of fear and anxiety.

I pray Allah will give me the strength over the next few weeks to hold the pregnancy to full term and more strength to take care of the children after giving birth and showering them with so much love - equally.
Urgh~
The biggest challenge.

Till the update on Week 34!

xoxo

Anticipating motherhood all over again

Everyday I have there is always the same thing I am thinking about.
What kind of mother I will be when I have 2 little ones with me.

Apart from the joy of receiving another tiny pair of hands and feet in my arms, as parents, I also realise that this tiny being is relying on Alfi and I for the next 25 years (I am estimating growing up + education + getting married)
It is the same fear we had when I was about to give birth to Rania but we prove to survive wonderfully with our first child.

Then I started anticipating what kind of mother I will be.
I have seen mothers who show favouritism, whether or not they are in denial and I do not quite fancy it.
Like I mention in my previous post, I see a lot of mothers putting their sons on the pedestals and turn a blind eye on what is wrong.
And I was also very upfront about how much I despise such mothers and yet here I am having a son.

Many weeks pass and I wonder if I was going to be that typical mother.
Not the typical type which has favouritism of the son but favouritism of my daughter. I wondered if I will be fair and just to my two children.
I wondered if I am able to embrace each of my child's shortcomings and be there for them equally.

But I think that is hard.
Very hard.

It will be very challenging to be a fair mother.
In that sense, it's easier when you have only one because your focus will only be to one.

If things go as I anticipated, I will be delivering in 5 weeks, once I reach full term.
Things in the office are still as busy and I am starting to handover a few things before I head off for my maternity leave.
Tuition has kicked off nicely now that the Eid fever is over and kids are having their exams.

At this stage, I do get overexhausted and sometimes I will sleep without knowing what happens to Rania.
Things slowed down because I am not as capable to do things as quickly and efficiently as before.
I swear it sucks.

Rania is craving for a lot of attention and there is only so much of energy I can spare it.
It is when she is asleep at night that I will hug be able to hug her longer, stare at her face longer and kiss her (gently) more.



When this came to realisation, I have planned out my time to balance work, tuition, home business and my family.
I also did not realise that I have not taken any child care leave this year and so it came timely!
I would love to spend 6 days with my princess (without her dad) and make sure she feels that mummy is always here.



That is the least I can do for her. She gets to be the only child for just a few weeks more.
I am not sure if mothers share the same sentiments as me when they are about to receive their second child.

So yes, I am anticipating motherhood all over again.
I pray I have healthy children. I pray I will be the mother my children do not find it hard to love. I pray that things will fall nicely for me.
Insya Allah.

xoxo

Learning to love again

I have a little confession. Ok, not so little confession.
In fact, I personally think I there is something wrong with me in my head and as much as I do not share this much with many except for really close ones, I am glad I am going to do that now.

I probably emerge with a new perspective and feels like a breath of fresh air.

To the few people I spoke to, I am glad I did. I get to vent out easily without being judged and criticized.
And I am not sure if sharing this reach out to some of you who are in my shoes.

Maybe it is just me and I am the only one.

I just posted this picture today. I reached 22 weeks this week and this tiny human in me is depending his entire life on me.



This pregnancy (in comparison to my pregnancy with Rania), I glowed more. People actually say I am glowing. Just a little more make up (like a eyeshadow or lipstick) makes me look even better. Even the (lady) security guard at my house commented on my T-shirt and pants look.

My cheeks and most importantly the nose maintain rigidity! My love handles did not grow any thicker and I didn't grow any wider.
I can still fit into my pre-pregnancy pants (without buttoning up of course!) and my old pregnancy pants with the help of the pregnancy band to hold the pants up.

I gained 7kg in 22 weeks. Though it does not sound a lot, it will still be hardwork for me after delivery.
Firstly, I have past 30 so weight loss is definitely slower and also I still have a 5kg debt from my previous pregnancy.
With Rania, I put on a total of 25kg.

At 18 weeks, I requested for my gynae to see the gender. Then she said,"Why you want hero ah?"
"No la.. doesn't matter. I just want to start shopping."

When she nudge my tummy around, she saw the gender. My heart sank.
When people ask me, I avoid answering saying that the baby close legs. Some I tested their response and was disappointed to hear what I heard.

I hated it when they came to me and say,"Boy eh?"
Like it was so natural to get a boy after a girl and then I will get a girl and then a boy.

I hated how the society put sons on the pedestal and I did not hide that frustration on my Facebook. I was ever so ready that I will deliver (potentially) 5 girls!

I hated to see how mothers beam when they say,"My son.."

And I kept telling myself that it is not fair because as a son, my husband is a good son and a good man. He is a good husband and a good father. I know sons who are very dutiful and really admire how they persevere with challenging mothers today. But I cannot stand how some of our Malay mothers treat sons like how the Indian mothers treat their sons.

Then when I tried to reason things out with people around me, they say, its ok. If you have a son, your husband's inheritance is secured with your son. Then I was utterly disgusted.
There is no point for me to have a son, giving half of my husband's inheritance eventually and then forget of his man responsibilities that is to take care of his sisters and mother. If there is no man in the house to take care of your daughters, Islam will take care of your daughter. She gets two thirds of the inheritance (to be split across her other sisters)

Mothers please get that right.

Then my cousins was telling me that they will grow up to be a man who can take care of our funeral, lead prayers and making sure that our after-life is taken care of.
Its true.
But it didn't convince me enough.

I was very frustrated. Of course I prioritise having a healthy baby.
I was even more frustrated with myself as to why I could not accept the gender of the baby.

In a way, I was very pressured to have a son and who doesn't hate pressure. The more I was pressured, the more rebellious I am in accepting. I wanted to prove that life with daughters was nothing bad.

Many times, I sit down and tell myself this is God's gift. Whatever it is, it was for the better of me.
But the devil in me always ask,"In what way better?"
Wallahualam.

My daughter came at a right and wrong moment. The right moment for the family because I lost one of the most important men in my life. The wrong moment because I became a very paranoid and distraught mother. I hold my daughter closer than my own life. She means more than my life. That was God's gift to the whole family.
My mother would not have survived without Rania. I would not too.

One night, I dreamt I needed to have a forced abortion. I did not cry but when I saw the tiny one removed from me, I cried in my dreams. I woke up with sudden realization that I was not being fair.

During the detailed scan, I was anxious to confirm the gender and making sure the baby was ok.
Gender was confirmed. There was no way I could buy time and hope for the opposite.

This is not God's gift to me. This is what is best for me and the family. This is meant for me. For us.

That night, I did my sujud syukur (prostration of gratitude) that I have a healthy baby. I prayed to God to give me strength to be a mother of two. I prayed He gives the family rezeki which is berkat. I prayed He grant us health.
I bowed my head in regret. Why did I tried to run away from fate.

I felt guilty to the unborn one inside me. He is so innocent.
And there are many more women who wants to conceive and hold the little one but they just couldn't.
I felt ashamed. Truly ashamed.

I embraced my fate. I embraced him being in me.
And when I let my defenses down, I finally become excited. Excited to hold a newborn again.
I tested my own waters by visiting a friend who just gave birth to a son. I smiled. I told myself, Insya Allah someday I will hold a similar one in my hands.

And it was so warm to see Rania pointing to the baby and said,"Baby.. baby"

So at 22 weeks, I am really ready to see the expansion of our family. Today I have so many ideas in my head.
I am starting to have a happy pregnancy. Finally I am embracing.
(Now you know why I haven't blogged much about this pregnancy)

May Allah forgive my sins.

So yes, we are having a boy!!!



Thanks for those who voted the gender of baby. :)

I am sharing this with you because I want mothers to come to a realization that sons are not everything (and neither are daughters) in inheritance, in morals, in priority or whatsoever. I may be the only mother who dislike sons. But whether sons or daughters, they will turn out how we mold them and I need to learn this balancing act now.
Sharing this is among the dark side of me that not many know. May I become a mother where my children do not find it hard to love and adore.

Many said when the new one comes, it is very easy to 'forget' the first one. I hope I would not come to that stage. Rania is very precious to me. Very.

Today, I am looking forward to hold this tiny one (apparently doc said he is a bigger baby) in my hands and may He continue to bless us. Amin.

Midweek Food for thought: Marriage to us

It is always during pregnancy that I will cry in my sleep.
I cry in my sleep because I always end up dreaming that he is cheating on me with another woman and out of frustration, I will cry.
During my first pregnancy, I went through the same phase - many times.

So during this pregnancy, Alfi was caught off-guard with my cries once.
Then after he was reminded of his experience, he will quickly wake me up when I end up crying in my sleep and said,"No, I am not cheating on you."

I am always very appreciative when he understood my struggles and leftover struggles of losing my dad, when he understood my hormones during pregnancy and of course my fickleness in planning things out.
Women are one of the worst in planning. While I am open to be more impromptu, an engineer brain like him prefers schedules to be more structured.

Last night when Alfi was sleeping and Rania cuddling up to him, I had my own me-time (at 2am in the morning after preparing my presentation slides for today). I was considering whether to play Candy Crush or watch E!News. So I was checking my social media and saw Mufti Menk was on Twitter. I followed him and click on the link of his website.

I diverted my attention.

I clicked on his audio on the topic he just delivered recently in Singapore. I could not get tickets and I didn't quite mind. I did not follow him. I did not hear him before despite a lot of our brothers and sisters share his quotes and speeches on Facebook.
So actually, I really wanted to know what is so awesome about this guy.

I admit work and having my hands tied took me quite far from the things I still need to focus - knowledge of religion.

He shared something which caught my ears despite my eyes were half closed on the bed. I picked up my phone and texted Alfi (yes, while he was sleeping)

"Five years ago when you met me, I was a flower full of colour and vibrance. You picked me up and married me. Over time, I may wilt and lose my colour but remember the flower you picked up. It was your eyes who determined I was the one and I pray you will keep that in your heart."

10 hours later after we rushed off for work and settled down in the office, he replied.

"You are one flower that will never wilt in my heart for you grow inside me and I will always put nutrition and life in you as long as I live."


I teared.

So I told him I am hormonal. I know I married the perfect man for me.

Go pick up your phone and text something nice and romantic to your spouse. You may just end up hormonal like me!
These are rare moments for me and Alfi because most times, our texts are more naughty.

xoxo

My support system

This was me at my work desk yesterday.
If you had already known Microsoft New World of Work, all except secretaries have their own desks. We are mobile. So whenever I enter the office, I choose which floor I head to and pick out which desk I would like to seat.

Ok, but that is not the point. My point is, many actually wonder how I handle my tuition classes which is every day except Sunday and Her Closet and my new exploration on photography.

Truth is, me and Alfi have a timetable where there will be days when I teach and he takes care of Rania. This year, tuition is more overwhelming for me than for Alfi.
During times when both of us are busy in the evening, mummy will help watch over Rania.

Honestly, I did not expect to be overwhelmed with tuition classes this year but I think with the intention to have a second one, Allah always makes it more favourable for us.

This is challenging. Juggling everything at once.
Which is why I am very appreciative with my HC customers for being very forgiving if i forget their mails or i missed out sometimes. I am human and thus I make errors all the time.

This year, work sends me to NTU/NIE 4 times a week and backend works are already starting the moment I was offered this new position ON TOP of whatever government marketing projects I am working on now. I love the new work challenge. I am 30, still young in the industry and many more to explore and I am willing to ride the wave.

My co-managers and directors were asking if I was planning another one.
I was honest and said yes, yet no one gave me the look of,"I wish I didn't give you the promotion." With that, I am very thankful for their support.

This new challenge came unexpectedly. I was willing to 'rot' in Microsoft because it is so family friendly and flexible working hours. But things will change. Travelling from mid-east to the end of the east-west line and travelling further is no joke.

I pray He will help me through these moments.
I thank Him for this opportunity and a very good support system. I thank Alfi for asking me to look on the bright side because I was quite resistant to this change. I thank my mom for giving me the support to take care of Rania. I thank my maid (though she can be a drama queen) for helping taking care of Rania.

This is my path.
It is never easy for working mothers and I underestimated them before I became a mother.

Today, many times, I sleep while (or sometimes before) putting Rania to bed (and she is still playing peek-a-boo with her sleeping mummy). I spend less time with her.
But I try to play games with her at night while lying in bed. Teaching her the basics of 1,2,3 or A,B,C or simple shapes.

And yes dad, it is true that even when you come home tired, you forget all the exhaustion when you see the smile on your child's face.

I am amazed with parenthood and I see the changes in me.
I am sure that I am not the only one facing challenges as a working mom and I would love to hear your challenges as well. Surely, the more children you have, the more you need to handle.

Drop me a comment or an email and rest assured all other working mummies will appreciate.

xoxo

First post of the year

While everyone was rushing their final blog post for 2012, I was taking a backseat reflecting my 2012.
It was a challenging year and I was praying that the year ahead had better things in store for me, Insya Allah.

Truth is, it is already showing the positive signs and I may just be looking forward to 2013.
First, Alfi and I are planning for our no.2 baby. As much as we would love to have another addition and ready to share more love under the same roof, we were afraid of the financial commitment.

Then in December, I had so many queries for tuition that I had to pass some assignments to Alfi. Right pocket, left pocket, same pocket.
It's amazing! So today I am committing 2 days at a tuition centre (Come to Progenius if you want to join me for group sessions) and also 5 sessions at home.
I am still hoping to get another one or two secondary school maths assignment at home!
Alfi thought it is enough but I love tutoring and my focus has always been maths! I teach concepts and understanding basics.

Students who are with me, stay with me till they graduate their O levels.
I have failing students who achieve B's in their finals and I think it is very awesome to see success rates like that. I also will not hesitate to drop students if they don't put in effort because I don't believe in wasting the parents money and my time.

*fierce or not*

Best thing is Alfi adopts the same too! Its awesome because we get commitment from both tutor and tutee.

So tuition's checked for this year and we decided that it is about time to kick in the family planning for number 2. Appreciate your doas please for my family's health and that we can go through the next stage in our lives.

If you still want me or Alfi to slot in classes for 2013, do drop me an email/call me.

On Christmas, Rania finally wanted to walk by herself using the friendly lion walker which was a hand-me-down from my aunty.



Then 5 days later while I was playing with her, she surprised me with her first walk.
I was so happy to be the first to see it. I screamed to Alfi who was in the toilet. I swear I could tell that he could not do his business in peace.

*lol*



Just 15 seconds of sharing. She will give you her megawatt smile for watching, trust me.

I ended my year with my first photoshoot. Though I am learning the ropes, I am confident enough that I can have smiles when they see my pictures.
It was very challenging to have Rania while we had our photoshoot but the family didn't mind and although it was exhausting, capturing the little girls antics were priceless for me!



So darling, no more following mummy and baba to photoshoots unless bibik comes along.

There are no resolutions for the New Year and I think many have finally gave up this adoption because keeping a promise for 365 days is freaking hard. So let's just keep a list of exciting things which you want to do for the next 365 days ok. I think that is more realistic.

I have many things which I want to do. It is about time I pen it down and get it going.

But I have learnt to take one thing at a time, learn each lesson as I go by and enjoy every precious moment I have in this life. The death of my father taught me a lot. I do not want to take anything for granted if possible and yes, health is more precious than wealth and that you can never buy happiness.

I think in that sense, I became a simpler person than I was years ago.
So here is to 2013 which unfolds to us many more possibilities, opportunities and also challenges. Let us keep our prayers intact and keep Him close.
Insya Allah we will make it through the year.

p.s: because I had a rough start to 2012, I am actually a little phobic of 2013, which explains the last paragraph.

xoxo

Tried and tested

The past few days had been interesting and tiring.
Getting my hands on new things and the fact that Rania was sick again got me really tired and exhausted.

I had my laptop upgraded to a Windows 8. The new thing y'all.
That is the advantage being in Microsoft. It is mandatory for us be on the Windows 8 and the New Office. Awesome isn't it?

So I managed to spend a little bit on time understanding the concept of 'all at once' and having no start button.
I also played around with the settings and put in my favourite colour and choosen design on my desktop. While Alfi thought it is a clutter, I love it!
It is so colourful and vibrant!

It makes me to energized everytime I see my desktop now.



Then I got my mom to buy me a Nescafe Dolce Gusto. Yes, I know I already have an existing Krups expresso maker but Alfi and I planned to put that in our Ang Mo Kio home when we move back. But being the coffee drinkers who we already are and the insufficient space in my mom's house, it was nice to get something small and convenient for daily use. Alfi and I love different kinds of coffee and it is perfect because we spend a lot of time in the room, chilling out.

So when I was at Takashimaya, I was just trying my luck to see what was the offer for this Dolce Gusto. Though the price was ok, I could not justify my budget to buy another coffee machine. But mom agreed the very next second and made me a happy girl!

Disclaimer: Since younger days, I do not really ask for things for my parents. It has always been self-earned.

Anyway, this coffee machine was definitely a want not a need. LOL!
Alfi and I got really excited trying out the flavours of the coffee that we are now in search of buying boxes of our favourite flavor.

Right now I am so addicted with the Chococino and Mocha while Alfi loves the Cappucino and Latte. I would love to get my hands on the green tea and finish trying the rest of the flavours.



Seeing the coffee being made was really aphrodisiac!

Since they were having the offer, the best offer you can look out for, there are so many flavours you can try for free!




Except for Expresso, each drink comes with a coffee based capsule and a milk based capsule. So I placed the coffee based at the bottom of the holder and the milk based at the top holder.



Yes, the holder was given to us FOC! awesome isn't it!
I was actually glad that I did not purchase the CBTL coffee machine because the Dolce Gusto can do tea too, though not many choices. But I need not buy a frother to froth the milk.

It is an awesome machine, built with convenience and without eating up a lot of space.



Cleaning is also very easy! Some parts just needed to be wiped with a wet cloth.
Yes, the capsules does not leave behind any residue!

Awesome. awesome. awesome.

This adds to my Krups family now. Thank you Mom! Heeeee....



Now, all my students will have their cuppa of Chococino (for the younger ones) and Latte or Mocha for the older ones. They will find it a joy making their own drink!

Awesome much?

Remember how I lost my external flash. I had a feeling that someone stole the flash when I was photographing an event at Nanyang Poly. I left my bag under the podium and it must be some organiser kids who took it.. $^%&^*&!!! It was my hard-earned money through tuition classes that I bought that 430-EXII (which is no longer available in the market because they are selling either the lower end or higher end)
I swear someday that person who took it will know how it feels like. That's karma.

Ok enough with the anger. Alfi and I felt very handicapped without a flash.
So we resorted to buying one yesterday and while he was trying that out, I got my hands on the EOS M!! OMG!! I have been wanting to get my hands on it!!

So I managed to try out a few pictures was awesome.
Here are the pictures unedited (IN MANUAL!!). I love the clarity of the camera.





Look how good the Nikon looks with a Canon camera. *lol*



But nothing beats the dials on a DSLR! Even my 1000D!
DSLR dials are a lot more and that makes it more user friendly because you can tweak accordingly.

This weekend, I am calling out all IG-ers or an Instagram fanatic like me to tis' the season. I love Christmas season solely because there are always Xmas Specials.
Food, gifts, ornaments. They are all so pretty and nice.



So if you have anything about Xmas that you are instagramming, don't forget to tag #velvetchronicles and have it shared with my wonderful readers on Monday.

Till then, happy weekends everyone!
And yes, if you would like to share what you did over the weekends, do write to me at Nuramima[at]Hotmail[dot]com.

xoxo

B&W Weekend

I had a fully utilized weekend and that means it came with tons of pictures.
While I let my DSLR rest, I worked on my Powershot S95 and my phone camera.

I kicked off my Friday seeing my daughter having her fringe chopped and I was laughing my heart out. My mom was apologizing but I thought it was classic!



As mentioned on my micro blogging network, it was a weekend which I wanted to try out taking pics in black and white. I have been a person who always appreciated colours and love how it can make a picture so vibrant!
So taking the pictures in black and white for me was very challenging.

And I have to admit that while I did snap a lot of pictures in black and white, I cannot help but have some coloured pictures too!

My weekends always start from Fridays and then Monday I will have to recover from my weekhangover.

Friday after work, I met mom and my daughter in town for tea, catching up on stories and spending time as much as we can whenever Alfi is busy.






Then it was a chilling session with my cousin who has two adorable children. We always have had amazing relationship together and I am glad that we do.

We decided to chill out at Coffee Bean at One Fullerton that humid night. It did not even stop us to have an evening walk after that but only stop short because it drizzled.




Here were us juggling with the (active) little ones and the camera!
Failed the quality check but here are the pictures anyway!






Surprisingly, we met up again for makan session in JB! Rania was such a handful that I did not take any pictures at all!!!

Saturday morning, we sent Alfi's grandparents for a short getaway to Batam.
We thought Rania should have a picture with her great grandparents for keepsake.



If you did not know, Alfi made Mac'D forbidden food for me and I have not touched fastfood for 3 weeks. So for him to bring us to Mac D for breakfast was awesome! I was all smiles!



And so was our little girl. She is so full of expression!





And after her meal, she started feeling sleepy again.



I swear, that Saturday was a busy day! We went home after brunch, changed and off we went for a wedding!

Rania is beginning to recognize the camera and can be very coorperative with me.



Alfi's brother handed over to us his car seat. You cannot imagine how thankful we are because it was about time that Rania changed her car seat and they don't come cheap these days. So that was money saved from our pockets! *kaching!*



To keep her busy in the car seat, we gave her a toy which occupied her really well!
Good job Mummy & Baba!



At the wedding, I met a child who I wanted to meet for a very long time. Born 4 months earlier than Rania to an set of awesome parents, I am so looking forward for them to be playdates. Date each other in front of their mummies' eyes.

Ilyas is so shy, unlike Rania who made me work around the table that I did not even get to eat!



Unexpectedly, I met my old classmate in Secondary School and I was so excited. It took me a while to recognize her and herself a while to recognize me.
"Are you Azilah?" I asked. "Yes," she answered with her no-nonsense tone.
"Oh my god.. it's me. Mima."
"Mima?"
"Mima from TKSS."

Her face changed. "Oh my god, you look so different!"

I wanted to ask her whether it was for the better but Alfi answered that for me in the car. He said,"You kan kental time sekolah (off-beat in school)"



I am so glad I found her.
(p.s: see at the bottom right of the picture what the lil' girl is doing)

Sunday was a relaxed day for us. It was just late relaxed lunch, tea and doing some banking.



So if you wondered where are my products of my black and white weekend, here you go!



Thank you to the wonderful ladies who have tagged #velvetchronicles for their black and white pictures! I really smile seeing their stories of black and white.

I love this from Aladynna who had her picture taken at Sentosa.



Awesome picture from Fedah Sufyan. Make me look forward to have #2!



A lovely surprise from Khuzaimah who I forgot snapped a pic of Rania when she was 6 months.



Thank you Lynadiva and Namira for cloud pictures. They are always so serene to look at.





Thank you Linda for the picture. It makes me miss holding my daughter close.



And lastly I love children's smile. They always make you smile back.
Thank you Mariam!



A womderful reader shared with me what she used to do during the weekends and here was her note



To me Rina, I would still consider yourself very lucky for the fact that you still have both your parents despite they no longer look upon the same direction anymore. It is very tough but the awesome thing is you are a mother and a wife yourself.

The fact that you have a 4-year-old and a wonderful husband would mean that there can be many more smiles just within the 3 of you. I am sure you miss what used to be what it was before but rest assured that you are given the opportunity to have it even better within your own family.

Maybe someday, you can share with me pictures of how you make your weekends great just with the 3 of you. It was not easy for me either when I lost my dad. I know I can never have a complete family meal. But we make do and we make the best of it.

I am sure you can too. The first step is the hardest but subsequently it gets easier. I pray for you and your family and hope that all will be well, regardless of what happens next.

This is life. We are born for this.
*hugs*

If you have a story to share or ideas of how to spice up the weekend, do share with me at nuramima@hotmail.com
So how did your weekend go?

xoxo