What kind of mother I will be when I have 2 little ones with me.
Apart from the joy of receiving another tiny pair of hands and feet in my arms, as parents, I also realise that this tiny being is relying on Alfi and I for the next 25 years (I am estimating growing up + education + getting married)
It is the same fear we had when I was about to give birth to Rania but we prove to survive wonderfully with our first child.
Then I started anticipating what kind of mother I will be.
I have seen mothers who show favouritism, whether or not they are in denial and I do not quite fancy it.
Like I mention in my previous post, I see a lot of mothers putting their sons on the pedestals and turn a blind eye on what is wrong.
And I was also very upfront about how much I despise such mothers and yet here I am having a son.
Many weeks pass and I wonder if I was going to be that typical mother.
Not the typical type which has favouritism of the son but favouritism of my daughter. I wondered if I will be fair and just to my two children.
I wondered if I am able to embrace each of my child's shortcomings and be there for them equally.
But I think that is hard.
Very hard.
It will be very challenging to be a fair mother.
In that sense, it's easier when you have only one because your focus will only be to one.
If things go as I anticipated, I will be delivering in 5 weeks, once I reach full term.
Things in the office are still as busy and I am starting to handover a few things before I head off for my maternity leave.
Tuition has kicked off nicely now that the Eid fever is over and kids are having their exams.
At this stage, I do get overexhausted and sometimes I will sleep without knowing what happens to Rania.
Things slowed down because I am not as capable to do things as quickly and efficiently as before.
I swear it sucks.
Rania is craving for a lot of attention and there is only so much of energy I can spare it.
It is when she is asleep at night that I will hug be able to hug her longer, stare at her face longer and kiss her (gently) more.
When this came to realisation, I have planned out my time to balance work, tuition, home business and my family.
I also did not realise that I have not taken any child care leave this year and so it came timely!
I would love to spend 6 days with my princess (without her dad) and make sure she feels that mummy is always here.
That is the least I can do for her. She gets to be the only child for just a few weeks more.
I am not sure if mothers share the same sentiments as me when they are about to receive their second child.
So yes, I am anticipating motherhood all over again.
I pray I have healthy children. I pray I will be the mother my children do not find it hard to love. I pray that things will fall nicely for me.
Insya Allah.
xoxo
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