One step closer

I did not get lost.

I did a lot of soul-searching from the time I blogged about needing to see a psychiatrist. A lot more after I met a man whom I last spoke to.
I did mention I felt reborn.

I was beginning to feel reborn.
It was hard initially but hubby and I spoke a lot more with the little time we spent together. We vented frustration in full honesty and agreed to disagree.
The support he gave me, Masya Allah.

It is what defines our marriage today.

My HTC One X went for a repair for a week. My tuition classes were haywire because I didn't back up my contacts on the SIM card. My loan phone did not have Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or any other social networks.

I rested more. Reflected more. Played with my daughter more.
Then I realized I missed enjoying life. I missed laughing a bit more, feeling blessed a bit more.

I feel healthier. My asthma attacks occurred only once when the haze was really bad and the doc thought I was just ok with steroids and no nebulizer.
I was happy. I know it is baby steps to get better.

I still get panic attacks out of no reason. Still feel like I am going to get an asthma. I worked on my breathings (as taught by a cousin or a cousin-in-law I never had) and I made myself relax.
In 15 mins I was ok, back to my feet.

Yes, I danced a little more with my daughter and the husband was very amazed that I had a bit more energy.

It is beginning to help in my work. I am more active and proactive and now I am talking with my partners to get my online businesses back in the game again. And of course the Small Talks sessions which I have given a miss for the past two weeks.
I want to get back on my feet.

My phone came back in my hands on Monday night after a week. I excitedly fitted my SIM card into it and found out that ALL MY DATA WAS GONE!!
It hurts because I take many pictures of Rania growing up EVERYDAY and it is all gone!

I contained my disappointment.

The following day, a litre of water spilled out from my water bottle.
Among the documents which was floating (LITERALLY) in the handbag was my most favourite Canon Powershot S95



You really cannot imagine my despaired face when I saw water dripping out from the zoom lens. I was so angry with myself and disappointed is really an understatement.
But hubby brushed it off. He said this is "harta dunia" and I needed to let go.

It struck me again. I let it go with a little bit more stinging pain in my heart.

So here I am back in the game getting pictures of Rania all over again.



And as I mentioned on Instagram this morning, seeing Rania in the morning is better than my morning coffee, anytime!



Rania is awake by 8 or 9am when the husband and I get ready for work. She gets up and smiles seeing our faces and laughs and plays a little to catch out attention.

It is no longer having the maid to distract her when I need to leave for office. She can follow me to the car and wave at us goodbye before heading up.

That's my big girl and you know I love you a lot my princess.

Having a little bit of time yesterday, hubby brought me to the beach for a walk. We settled down on a grass patch with Starbucks Coffee, KFC junk food and lots and lots of talk.

Just the two of us.






It really felt like my marriage rekindled!
I forgot how it feels like to date my husband. I forgot how it feels like to relax.

My heartfelt thanks to the ladies who continuously send me little notes via Watsapp, FB PMs, Instagram, Twitter, SMS-es. You know who you are.
I cannot thank you enough.

Thank you for keeping me going.
And every prayer, I say my thanks to Him for a wonderful family I have, a lovely sister who keeps me sane, my wonderful cousins and cousins I never had that let me know I need to keep it going and everyone who had been in my life are blessed. Blessed with health and wealth, rahmat and berkat

If you didn't know how much you have helped me, it is indescribable.

I did not get lost.
I let it go.

xoxo