Its been a while since i checked my blog or wrote anything solid..
Its been a while right? Was it?
I dunnoe, time just was too slow for me.
I came back surprised to see what were on my tags.
In fact i was more surprised to see WHO were tagging.
But nevertheless it touched me a lot.
Thank you friends who are there for me
*huggies*

So....

I have not slept well for the past 8 days. An average of 2 hrs per day
I didnt eat well. I lost a kilo faster than what i had been trying to do for weeks.
And two days ago was the first time in a year or probably two that my mommy told me to eat cos i had not eaten anything. And I chewed my filet o fish slowly.
I am a good eater but i have been finishing my food last.
I cried everyday for the past 8 days
(ok now i know i sound pretty pathetic)
Cried before i sleep. When i wake up. When it is anytime of the day.

I turned to God cos i dont know who else to turn to.
I didnt want anyone to rub it in. Or to talk sense to me.
I wanted someone to understand my pain and that i AM facing pain
My mom was the person who was constantly there for me.
Surprising but true
She brought me out for drinks alone though we never talk
She let me sleep in her room
She took me away from my sister and dad and talk to me.
She would come to my room and ask if Rizal calls.

I never thought she was going to be there for me
Cos i never exactly tell her what i was going through
though she knows the bulk of it.
I am so thankful to her - really.
So when she said something to me yesterday, my life took a turn.
I realised that i was selfish to think i was hurting alone.
That was when i stopped crying. And reality sinks in.

"Intan, i as a mother, it hurts me to see you sad. if u feel cheated, so am i. I went through the trouble to come up with the guest list, to find clothes for the page boys and girls, to look for berkat, to find your wedding dress and now the whole wedding's not going to take place. I feel cheated too you know."

I realised she was right.
So i am still praying and seeking God for help.
And to show me the rightful path
And to give me strength when I am not going to get what i desire.

I dont know whether to be optimistic or pessimistic
But i do know that if Rizal is sincere enough, it will all pull through.
Insya Allah