Dear Dad...

Dad,

I go on Facebook at night when everyone is asleep. I open the albums I have created and look for your pictures.

I cry viewing them because God knows how much I miss you. This is the biggest test in my life so far from Him. He took you away from the family. The man I spent 3 decades of my life with. I have not felt that that was enough. No one in this family do.

I miss you Dad.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

I wish Islam allows me to ask "Why you? Why now?"
But we are not allowed to do so.

Daddy,
Everytime you receive a Fateha from me, it means I am thinking of you and I miss you.

It feels like a dream dad. I wish I can pick up the phone and ask you where in the world are you, like how I tease you whenever you travel.
But I cannot call you dad. I cannot ask you to come back earlier.
I cannot ask you quickly finish up your work and come home.
I cannot hear your voice.
I cannot see you.
I cannot touch you.

Dad,
I want to write an entry of what a wonderful man you are but I cannot bring myself to do it yet.
I will when I can.

Dad.. I want you back.
That is what I always feel but I know that's wrong. This is so premature.
I feel it is not time yet.
There are so many things we were looking forward to. I want you to see Rania growing up.
I want you to see me being a mother. Tell me that I'm doing fine.
I want my children to enjoy their time with you and mom.

I saw you leave and I am extremely proud of you. You left very well and you deserve it because you are a good man while you are around.
I redha that you have to go. I just miss you daddy.

I really miss you. I really really miss you.
I miss you so much that it hurts dad and it hurts bad.

Can you feel me dad?
We have a relationship that only we understood because we are so alike. That was what you told me 2 hari rayas ago. There will never be anyone like you in my life.
Never.

Daddy,
Life is so different without you. It is so so different dad.
I have never been so shattered.
I have never been so broken dad. You said I am strong but you also know that deep down, I am not which is why you kept saying so I kept going.

I love you daddy and I will always miss you.
Always.

Your Girl