I shall not hide. Not that I have an intention to.

I am a woman. Indeed.
I am not having a weight problem. Instead, I am having weight management problem.
There is a huge difference between the two.


My weight shot a sky high of 62 kg over 2 mths.
That is an increase of 5.5kg

I went beserk!
Embarassed?
No.


I grew up being skinny. Underweight.
That the teachers will force me to drink milk everyday.
This program lasted till I was in Sec 2.


When the program stopped, I was on my own.
Mom nagged everytime during meals.


It was a few years after puberty. Naturally appetite increases. I got whatever I asked for. They wanted me to eat didnt they?

No I didnt grow fat then. Not at all. Still skinny & underweight.
When I graduated Sec Sch, I was a mere 45kg.
I never grew taller since I was 13 either. Height at 1.65kg.


Schools tried to put me on a program. Mom continued nagging.


Then in JC, I literally saw myself gaining weight.
But I thought I would never be fat. I have never been anyway have I?


I continued eating and eating.
Pampering the taste buds more and more until today.
Not only will I eat. But I am developing really exquisite tastes on food.


This has now become a setback for me.
I tried to be on diet but my mind fails me all the time when I see food.
Despite the disappointment, the tongue and tummy got what it wanted.
So I was still half-contented.


It was yesterday I visited the doc.
Trying to cut down the food intake on my own was too hard.
I needed help.


I am an addict.
A food addict.


He gave me supressants to control the intake.
This time I will be monitored. On a monthly check up.

Gym?
Gym only made me hungrier after the workout, which is a norm.
Today, despite I gain more muscle mass, I did gain fat mass too.
Turns out that gym helps on the cardio portion.


I will still visit the gym now - though I doubt it would be as often.


But this time, I have faith it is going to work out. I do.
I wont let the mind fail me. It's easier now, cos the tummy and the throat wont be asking for it.


I'm not doing this for Lovie.


I'm doing this for myself, me & Lovie's future & I want Lovie to be proud of me.


I may end up looking good losing weight.
Don't smirk at me should I look better in time to come.
And critisize that it was the pills helping me.


I may fail this whole course.
But probably what I am trying to reach out to the women out there is that nothing is easy.
Whether you do it on your own or you need help.


You want to look good, you have to earn it.
The hard way.


Harder for me cos I have too many fat genes in my family.
Plus my appetite is like a whale!


There is nothing wrong/shameful to tell someone that you need external help to look good. That you werent born skinny. Or the fat genes kick in.


You know what sucks?
It sucks when you go up to another woman and say,"Oh my you look good.What have you been using?"


Their answer?
1001 ridiculous ways of looking good
Of which none they did.
Cos they aren't letting their secret out.


My battle with food starts today.
Says who looking good is effortless?