Been slacking at work today.
Though there were many urgent adhocs to do, i will slack the moment i finish doing it.

I shouldnt be slacking.

I am a bit worried now.
About work.
But i am not sure of how to handle it.
I am comfortable where i am now. But i am not sure if this is going to last.
I am worried what the future holds for me.

No i am not going to be out of job.
Just that there are going to be changes around here which i dont think i may adapt to the change.


I shall say no more but to wait for everything to be confirmed.



Anyway, a friend cum IBM colleague of mine sent me this through email.
I am sure it must have been distributed around. But for those who may not have received it, just thought of sharing with you and my thoughts which i have been upholding all these while.


I've always fret about my relationships. I am not the only woman who does. And the men are not the only ones who fuss about woman too. These two species are just meant to get along to a certain extent despite them being all happy and lovey-dovey.

In a relationship, I dont believe in being lovey-dovey. I just play kite. Be nice at times, firm on others and just fight back. I hate when a woman cant fight back and let their boyrfriends/husbands push them around.

Probably i have been too rough to my boyfriends or my ex-es for the matter, till they cant take it. That it seemed to them that i am too much of a challenge. Suddenly i am too materialistic. That my expectations are too high. And the best part, that MY parents expectations are too high. Whatever can be a reason for them to let me go.

Not that it matters. Just proves the point that they may just not be man enough for me.

Ok so lets not put parents into the picture.
If i had a daughter, i would love to see them get married to a man who can pamper and lavish them. Cos i think my daughter deserves it IRREGARDLESS of their character.
If i had a son, i would want my daughter-in-law to treat him well and treat me well as well...
Bottom line, parents always want the best for their children. And always want a say in their children's lives. How to blame them? They brought us up for so many years and all of the sudden, children just snap at them when they want to build a new life.


So just some enlightenment to couples who think that LOVE conquers all or that LOVE is everything in their lives.
Not that i am condemning couples in love. I've seen people in love as in love love love and then when the question to settle down pops up, they freak out. Or when they settle down, there is so much culture shock. I may just fall into either of the above range.
(i am seriously aint hinting anyone.I swear!)


I am just confortable being comfortable with someone.
If i am not comfortable then that is just it. I start looking around again. But most times, i wouldnt need to look around. *lol*


So here was what i wanted to share:


5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING/MAINTAINING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr or Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people
make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
(SEE SEE DIDNT I SAY SO?!)
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.


QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:
If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart.
(*SIGH* My thoughts exactly)

Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.

Footnote: Men who are barely on the same wavelength as me cant make it with me


QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

(So peps.. looks aren't everything ok. Puas hati tak handsome and you know he would walk the fire just to have you)

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test?

Here are some suggestions:
Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing."

So ask about your significant other:
What do they do with their time? (I read and eat and sleep - Any takers?) *lol*
Is this person materialistic? (Duh! Given all the money, dont you want it too - *smack head*)

Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

People who are dedicated to personal growth
&
People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
(I thought i would belong in both... Hmmm...)

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

(Still... no money no talk.. ahhahaa... well... i just pray i get the best of all worlds)

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.
By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

ASK :
Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:
1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3)Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
5)Do they gossip and speak badly about others? (ouh HELL YEAH i do? Who wouldnt want a good gossip, be it listening or talking. So stop shunning me!)
Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

Footnote(1): Ok friends, you judge on this portion if i am really heartless.
Footnote(2): Aside from point 5, shall i get my suitors and friends to answer me that? Cos they may just know me better than the rest

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!"
(Wait long long la ah if u expect him/her to change... i never promise anyone i would change)

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. (yeah use your brain.. use your brain)
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

(Hehehe.. by that time you cant scream and run out of the house naked, trying to run away from everything)

cheers!