Hello everyone!

Good morning!
Yes i am in a relatively chirpy mood despite being pushed in the morning. Despite getting out of the house later than usual... *chuber eh* i almost forgot to comb my hair!!


Then i got into the office after a good coffee with Sue.
I turned on my Thinkpad and open my mails and i was like,
'Hmmmmm... its been a while since i read my own blog'
And i was like ouh my God! What the hell happen.
I spent a good 20 mins reading the older tags and trying to digest what is going on..

Hmmm... Dengar dengar.. blog ako dah keluar politic pasal tudung issue plak.

Its funny how when fateha.com came out, people critisized, saying that they are overdoing it.
Singapore is multi racial lah.
We have to live according to time lah.
We should be 'moving forward' and not these kind of things to be 'holding us back'

I have heard many tudung bearers sigh on how hard it is to get a job.
And i have heard as well how that few managed to get.

But everyone is so hyped about this tudung issue, so let me bring it on.
Though there is only a couple who just felt so wrong about it.

I hate having to explain to people.
This time i am not explaining to seek acceptance but i am just telling whoever off to seek understanding and probably get them to shut their trap.

But i learnt one thing from one of my aunties.
Tudung is just a form of outer clothing for Muslim women.
Of course it is the pre-requisite for all women embracing Islam.
But what matters most is the clothing on the inside.
Tauhid.Aqidah.Ihsan.



I stayed at home for 14 painful weeks, sending out 150 resumes approximately in total.
It was very stressful.

Some people think that i am choosy with my job.
Some people think that i am over qualified
Some people think that i am not looking at the right places.
Some people think that the job market is dense when the government was saying that there is an increasing rate in employment.
Some thought that it was my tudung.

So me and mommy did our share by asking people around us, surveying the job market out there.
They would not dare to say that tudung is not accepted but they will say
"Only the makcik yang dah berumur pakai tudung"

I told mom that this will not falter me. I will keep sending my resumes with my tudung on
I have a blardy degree for god's sake and dun tell me is it even hard to get a $1400 job.
I was really trying so hard.
Trying to get to all kinds of designation. Even back to customer service (which I hate)

Mom was very supportive despite her and daddy nagging at me for not getting a job.
She sent me to Meet-the-MP session where i was attended to a chinese lady and instead of advising me, she critisized me for leaving my job in HP.

Honestly...
I HAVE NO REGRETS RESIGNING FROM MY JOB THERE..
Then she asked me to go to SADC(i think this is the correct abbreviation) situated at Paya Lebar.
When i arrived there, they told me that that place for lower skilled workers and not suitable for degree holders like me.
I was like what the hell?!?
That woman whom i met during the meet-the-MP-seesion jolly well knows my qualifications.


But....


My search didnt stop there.
I went to NTUC to seek for help for jobs.
Again despite them knowing my qualifications, they handed over to me a folder.
Trust me. Efni was with me.
Inside the folder was all job vacancies like cashier, cleaner, maintenance.
Ef blew her top.
I took it as another dugaan.


I wrote in to many companies.
I bought newspapers every Saturday.
Then i started getting desperate and bought papers almost every day in hopes to find a new job.


I still failed.
I changed my resume time and again.
Changed the picture from one to another.
No replies.


I was living off $600 a month through tuition that i was teaching.
But i wasnt contributing to the house.
I felt very handicapped as a daughter.
I felt my dad wasted so much money on my education.


Isn't it time to do something?


Yes probably i failed God's test.
But probably God is still testing me on 'what if she gets the opportunity to take off her head dress?'
His tests for everyone does not stop till the day he/she dies.
No one decides whether anyone passes the test. cos each test is led to another be it passing or failing it in the first round.


I keep telling God to stop his tests on me.
That at some point, i told him not to test me too far.
Then i regretted saying so cos my aqidah had faltered.
Again the final say is not mine. I have to take these tests as they come.
And i learn everytime i am tested.


I am far from being a good muslim, with or without the head dress.
I have so much to learn.
And i am not yet stopping
I am still finding means and ways to learn, with God's grace.


Don't judge me whether i wear tudung to work or not.
(pls dont take this as me begging you not to judge)
At the end of the day, i cant stop anyone if they still want to continue judging me.
Bitch me or whatever.

I dont care


But i thought of giving a piece of my mind:

Why not preach to those not wearing the tudung and enforce it on them rather than hitting on me?

Why not try to preach that covering up is not the physical skin but the mouth as well?
Then probably you would shut your mouth too.
Or you might want to try shut yours first then you wouldnt have provoked people to open theirs
But at this point of time, i suggest its time to shut that trap


Why not preach that at the end of the day, it is the heart that matters?
*shrug*
Probably cos you dont bother knowing the thought that flows in your mind and the voices that speaks in your heart.

Be it muslim or not, the beauty of oneself lies in the heart.
Physical beauty fades...
Sooner or later


So...


Why not preach that to yourself?



I dont need the entire society to accept me.
I'm fine if you cant.


Cos God has blessed me with a lot of things in life
I have wonderful parents.
I have fabulous siblings.
Friends who make me smile and fill up my time.
And not to mention the great people who have stood by me on the tags.


They are all i need.


I am contented.
Even if they did so little or so much.
I thank God for the little things that i have what more the larger things.
I thank God for all the above.



And for those who insists on pushing me, please bug off.
Cos I have not yet lashed my tongue out.
*hiss*


I dont want to get nasty


I am who i am
What you see is what you get.
But dont take my silence as weakness...
NEVER EVER DO THAT.

So if you dun happen to be pleased about that then it is so not my problem cos i didnt invite you into my life anyway.
*evil laugh*


Anyway...
God Bless~