"My whinings"

Phew~

Finally.. some time on my own. I just finished work and am holding my pee to write this entry. My keyboard suck... the spacebar is not working and all the words will end up getting glued together if i do not press on the key hard enough.

Its been a while now that I am single. (the thing is that I didnt even know when I was single) ish!
I have been wanting to do some self reflecting but I am not sure if it is a good one cos i am shaking my leg and typing and holding my pee.

So singlehood....

I was taken aback when the news was broken to me. It is a norm for every girl to feel miserable. I spent days at my table looking horrible just tearing out of nowhere. Some people would notice while others remain oblivious. I try very hard to get him out of my mind especially at nights when we used to talk till I sleep and snore. I ate more.. obviously i am putting on weight cos of depression.

I never quite got out from depression since between 2002 and 2003. I was at the lowest point of my life for quite a long time. I have always thought that the men who entered my life do not really comprehend what went on in my life and what were my major concerns. That it was never about the things bought for me. Nevertheless, it never failed to flatter me.

But when Taddie left, I told myself that this is going to be the time that I am going to prove myself that I am able to stand on my own two feet. That I am going to enjoy the things that come in my way..

Then there were unfavourable things that came along and I have been emotionally disturbed. I broke down many a times within those few days. I contained too many already. I am bottling up way too much more than my capacity. I'd take this opportunity to thank the people who have entered my life in a gentle way and gave me the necessary advice and shoulder to cry. You guys know who you are. I'll never forget the friend I found in you. *hugs*

I became attached to a few people and very quiet to the many. I am still unsure of what is going on and what going to go on. I can't think any longer. Neither can I hold up any much more.

A few of my ex-es came back into my life, giving me phone calls and sms-es. And there is this one prominent one who came back. Dropped me an email and asked how was I doing.I can never quite explain what I am feeling now or what I am going through. But it is definitely nice to hear from him. I supposed we are good friends without us noticing it. Surprising how God plays his cards...

I still pray that He would protect me day and night and that my light is coming soon. I think he never fails me nowadays. Things are changing.. I am seeing it. Thank you Allah. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Zul,

Thank you for the precious moments we had spent. It'll always be bittersweet memories for me and I will always hold my tears when I think of you. I'll keep the pain within cos that is the only thing left of you. You will find so much in life.. Just keep opening up your eyes and keep searching that wonderful soul of yours.

You know that there was never once I never love you.

"Its about drama, love and relationships. And when the going gets tough you deal with it.. and you never never walk away with it. Just hold on and be strong" - Babyface

Shah,

Thank you for being the pillar of strength. I failed in trying to prove myself that I could stand on my own two feet. Thank you for all the patience in listening to my whinings, my complains, my cries in the middle of the night when I am hurt. I know I really cry like a baby. But there were too much within and I didnt know of anyone else who would listen to it. I would still want to cry more but i do not want to irritate you any further.

Thank you for always trying to take things off my mind. Keeping me occupied to make me forget about disasterous work and the shocking break up. Thank you for keeping me company. Thank you for the 'breathing' breaks when I only whine about myself and how I feel.

Bottom line, thank you and I thank god for making me find you. I really treasure and appreciate the relationship we have as of today.

Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.

I've gotta go.. I'm late. There's dinner or should I say coffee with Paul and the family tonight. Mom wants to introduce him to abang.