Small Talk: When the going gets tough

Alhamdulillah, my intention of outreach went well and I am really hoping that it will pick up its pace eventually.

Like I said, it is not easy writing to someone who doesn't know you, especially when I do have a lot of silent readers.
I am just happy that this blog got you reading and you keep coming back to read them.

At least I know my passionate effort is not wasted.
*lol*

Like I mention, when I posted the entry on Small Talk, I was ready not to get any replies but I will be very determined to drive this.
Somehow deep down it is something I have always been wanting to do.

The first email I had got me glued. It got me speechless.
The email title was just a smiley face.

Salams Sis,

I've just followed you on twitter. My username is Nadzyyy.

Ive been reading your blog for the longest time, but it is only now that I feel like I should get in touch with you.

When I read that your late dad was admitted in hospital, I said a prayer for him. And then when I read that he had passed away, I couldn't imagine how devastated you must feel, seeing how you always blogged about being daddy's girl and how you are such a close-knitted family.

Today, I fully understand the pain. Just like your dad, my father had a sudden heart attack at home and he passed away just shortly after he collapsed. It has only been a month since he passed and I still feel like I'm in a very bad nightmare.

Everyday I keep reminding myself to redha.. but it is so so difficult to stop myself from asking Why.

Just like you, I too had moved in to my own flat earlier this year and was really looking forward to spending hari raya in my own house, with my own little family. But I've now moved back to my mom's place for the time being.

I'm not sure what I hope to achieve by writing to you.. but maybe I'm just trying to find comfort in the fact that that there is someone out there who can identify with how I'm feeling.

Anyway.. salam perkenalan & salam ramadhan to you. May the challenges we face in this Ramadhan help strengthen our Imaan & mould us into bcoming better muslimahs. Ameen.

Nadzira.

If Nadzira told me the story face-to-face, I would have surely given her a big warm hug. I know it is tough.
Letting go is never easy.

Till today, the reality of my dad's passing did not get any easier as it was 6 months ago.

Sometimes, I lay in bed thinking about my arwah dad, reading for him as many Fateha-s I could.
Sometimes, I refuse to address that my father is no longer around that I busied myself in work and family, especially my little girl.

For example, today I went to work and I saw a the fences are all up for F1 and I could not help thinking about my dad.
I could not helping thinking that me and my sister bought his first and last grandstand tickets.



I have never written an entry about my dad's passing, because until today I could not.
Even writing this brings waterfall to my eyes.

But I do know that He took my dad away for the better of everyone.
I have to believe that because I am Muslim.

Just like Nadzira, my little voice ask,"Why?" and just like her, I was so excited about my new place and spending Hari Raya there.
I wanted to welcome my families to my new house because I am not a fan of house-warming.
I wanted my house this Hari Raya to be filled with food, laughter and XBOX dance games.

But this year Hari Raya will be very different.
My mom, sister, brother and SIL will not be in town. I have to stay in because my husband wanted to spend his Eid with his mom.
They would have flown off to Europe a day before malam raya.

Nonetheless, malam raya will be tough for me.
I do not think I am ready to meet anyone for a final iftar. I do not want to be crying in front of everyone when I hear the takbir.

I am appreciative a quiet iftar with my husband and daughter and read the takbir, just the two of us.
Maybe after all of that, then I am ok to meet with families.

As it is, we are not receiving guests the first two weeks of Hari Raya.
We made zero preparation and my baju kurung with my own family of three is still undecided until today. I am just hoping I can cook up some nice combination on the day itself.

This, is not easy.

xoxo

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Let's be a listening community.
(with zero judgements)

Have a story to share?
Reach out to me at nuramima@hotmail.com
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