I am feeling very irritable today.
It is not helping that exhaustion is setting in and little bits and pieces of the preparation not done yet.

It is not helping that I am only sleeping about 4 hours every day and on the move for 20 hours.
I really mean on the move.
God forgive me for abusing this mind and body.

Friends and family told me to rest and get my beauty sleep and make sure I look good on the 2nd biggest day of my life.
3rd being my graduation day and 1st being the wedding.
But now I am thinking, to hell with it.

Honestly, since many know that I am going to doll up myself for the engagement, they told me to play around with colours etc etc and try take a picture of me.
I gave up on trying. There is no time to try.
I will just slap some colour on me and pray that I look good (enough) for the camera.

It is not helping that I have asthma and Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT).
I can't breathe well and my eyes feels swollen (though it does not look swollen), my throat feels sore and my nose is irritating the hell out of me.

It is not helping that I am PMS-ing.
Nothing will ever seem right.

It is not helping that I just received news a few minutes ago that my audit kick-off on Wed.
Today, no one knows the scope of the audit and I am the one who followed on this project since the beginning.
It is not helping too that I plan to take a couple of days off for last minute preps.

I didn't realise that I have many wonderful friends who are always asking me if I need help.
Calling me, BB-ing me, SMS-ing me, FB-ing me asking me for status updates and ask if I am emotionally ok.
KakPa, Saudari Lee, Wawa, Monis, Sue and my Lil' Sister
You girls are doing a wonderful job keeping me SANE - like totally!!

If you never noticed, I have a problem asking people for help.
It is just not me.
I was brought up to be highly independent.
So in times like this, I really don't know what help to ask for.

Some ladies asked me if I am excited couple of weeks or days back.
My reply:
"Errr.. i just want to get over and done with it"

They assured me that when it is over, I will miss planning all that I have planned.
My only reply to them was "Really?!!?"

No, I do not want to think about going through this again.
And it is really stupidly funny that I make myself go through all this because of an engagement.
Don't get me wrong. The engagement is something both me and Perfect Stranger has been looking forward to.

Today, Lil' Sis asked if I was excited.
My reply:
"I have a feeling it is going to be a blast."
Lil Sis:
"I have a feeling tukang masak will have a tough time"
My reply:
"Me too"

From a simple reception of exchange rings, God knows the number of dulangs me and mom kerjakan.
I am rejecting other gifts. Whoever would come by with more, sorry lah.. I will keep it for myself.

I wonder if this weekend is going to kill me. I hope not.
I have a list of things which I need to do and 7 days more to go.

What not many knew was that my outfit tailored for $150 turn out horrid, of which the lady sent it to Batam for tailoring.
It is so obvious.
I sent to Batam before. I know their workmanship is horrid.
I requested a corsett in the outfit, got charged so expensive but I was cheated of the bucks.

The lady deemed that the corsett will not look good in the outfit but sewn it in a way for the corsett to be inserted.
Thing is if there is no corsett, I would have designed it differently.

She made my kain split all the way up till my knees and said that it is fashion.
I felt like killing her.
I told her no way was I ever going to take that in but it was too late to find another tailor.
Her solution: Pakai stokin hitam

I just looked at her dismayed!!!
No second time woman!! No second time!!

I love reading all the girls' excitement on their blogs about weddings and engagements, what they picked out for their wedding/engagement gifts and what is their outfit is etc etc.

Now, do you girls just blog whatever that is cute, sweet and nice like love is so in the air and left out the ugly stressful reality?

Damn...
I got punked real good!

A warrior of light has no ‘certainties’, he just has a path to follow, a path to which he tries to adapt depending on the moment.

Paulo Coelho in Manual of the Warrior of Light