Its been a while since I really blogged - yes, always as much as I want to.
Probably I can't seem to find the right mood now.
I'm busy trying to re-build things around me.

When the whole world crashed on me, nevertheless, it is always a wake up call.
That, actually happens quite often.
But I would take it with a good open mind since I am kept on my toes all the time.

It will only be then that I start panickly pick up the pieces and put it all together again.
But like a broken mirror fixed, it does not take much effort to break it again, compared to the time you take to fix it.
Only worse, the pieces get smaller and splinters will only end up cutting you.
Sometimes on the surface. Sometimes deep.

But I will always take life with a stride.
That is my pride.

*smiles*

No, I do not go around seeking sympathy of my fate, for fate is what I called out for.
Destiny is what's written.
So honestly, don't bother lending me a shoulder to cry on.
I don't trust the shoulders, for the shoulders will speak the amount of tears which I probably laid on it.
I am not even expecting a listening ear.
For the ear drums might just burst if they listen to what my heart is talking.

I may have lived life a fool but a fool is what everyone is, minimally at one point of their lives.
But never belittle a fool whom I am for I have always allowed you to have your own strides in life.

I hate living life feeling indebted to people and I never allow people to feel indebted to me.
I think it is only fair.

We are all in this world for a purpose aren't we?
It's inevitable that we will use someone's help or advise.
And it is also inevitable that at times, kindness cannot be repaid.
So what do we do?

Pay it forward.

Islam's theory of contribution does not limit to monetary value. It extends and explains more than that.

In any case, I do not expect sympathy and I know my face does not show any bit of it.
So don't try to read what you can't.
We all know that terribly a huge amount of people are bad with guessing games.

In other cases, I can't help masking my disappointment or anger.
But I am only human.

Still, when I choose to close a chapter in life, allow me to do it my way.
Not because I disregard you but because I would know what is best for myself.
I wonder how people could know me so well, when after almost 27 years, I am still discovering.

Stop throwing me ideologies and make me see things that I can't.
Because if I can't, I would admit I can't and that is my flaw. As long as I am not moving forward the wrong way, I always pray my privacy to be respected.

You don't keep pressing a person to see all the bad things another had done during his/her funeral can you?
Deceased gone and they are entitled to their own peace as much as I am entitled to my own mourning.
But life moves on.
The deceased is not coming back to life.

I am not arrogant. I accept critics.
Listening does not mean agreeing.
At least that is not the principle I carry in my life.

I can be accomodating. Very. But don't bend me from my principles.
Because today, that made me who I am.
I appreciate my 'ME' time, which obviously is never shared with anyone. So what happens in there is unknown to all.
You can judge or even misjudge me all you want for that is your right but don't tell me whatever you judge unless you can accept reality.

For only I will carry authentic truth about myself.
But the disappointment and numbness I have carried with me for a long time, closed more doors than you know.
I made that calling of fate.

Catch no balls?
I believe that is possible.
My entries have, at most times, have been diplomatically right.
So if you can't, don't decipher.

Oh ya.. and please don't hit me round the bush to make me get to my point.
For I know that there are people who simply dig that.