Do you know what is a stage 4 bed sore?
Let me unfold it to you.

**Viewers Discretion advised**

Stage 1:


Stage 2:


Stage 3:


Stage 4:


That is a stage 4 bed sore.
Only that this has quite a clean look. In Nyai's case, hers is untreated and unattended.
Left to rot that it was black.
Blood stains could be seen on her diapers when we undressed her in the hospital.
Smell of rotten flesh.

With so much evidence on her dehydration, malnutrition, which has been reported each time she was admitted and on top of that, the bed sore, the hospital authorities alerted the social workers to be on a case and plan out a proper nursing care for Nyai.

The family dispute which had been well-known by the whole ward, the hospital authorities and extended to Code 4(Nyai monthly home nurse check planned by the hospital) felt that something more extensive needed to be opted for her.

Numerous times over the past many admissions, the social workers were unable to perform their job since the caretaker did not want to meet my family to sort things out.
So he would quickly take Nyai back to his house.
Case was forced to close.

Numerous times, Code 4, the team who was assigned in June 08, was refused entry by the caretaker as he said that there is a private GP overlooking Nyai's welfare.
That private GP last assessed Nyai in June 06.

A couple of months after Nyai was prescibed to have her fed via tube, the tube "disappeared".
We asked the maid.
The maid said that the doctor pulled it out.
We checked with the GP and Code 4. None said they were authorised to do it.
This is after all a hospital doctor's prescription and against medical ethics and ruling.

Subsequently, the maid said, Nyai pulled it out herself, which in the real-life, it did happen.
However that is most incorrect statement heard cos the story got twisted.
Cos the next thing the caretaker should do is to call Code 4 and have the nurses fit in the feeding tube again.
But probably 5 cans of milk amounting to $11 per day was too expensive.
They fed Nyai with Nestle baby food, $4 plus a box able to last for 6 meals, knowing very well that the food Nyai swallowed have the tendency of going into her lungs.
I was guilty of feeding Nyai with that food because there was a day where I stayed till 8pm trying to give her dinner, making sure she ate.
Code 4 advised me and lil' sis not to.

29th October 2008 - The family conference #1

The social workers had my family, a mediator and the caretaker to come for a family conference to work on getting Nyai a proper nursing care to improve her quality of life.

Interviews were conducted numerous times with the caretaker and with us.

My family, with a strength of 4 came down. Lil' Sis took leave.
I took time off.

The caretaker?
Absent.
He refused to come, which was the million-dollar question what is it that he has to hide.

On that day, we found out that the medical social worker had taken a step further and reported Nyai's case to Transcentre. We were so estatic cos as much as we wanted to, mom always thought that the caretaker was her flesh and blood.

-_-

The home team would consist of lawyers, doctors, nurses and even police.
So if the caretaker refused entry, they are authorised to break his door.

So there.

1st November 2008 - Family Conference #2

My eldest uncle called my mom when I was attending Hani's wedding dinner in Yishun to ask her to come.
I left the wedding dinner very abruptly and took a cab down from far north to far east.
Crazy isn't it.

When I was there, so was almost everyone - again except the caretaker who left earlier.
Again, the million-dollar question what is it that he has to hide.

The first question which hit my mom was
"What is your motive to take care of your mom?"
A question told to ask.

1. That is not the question to ask especially when it is not your mother.
2. That is not the question to ask especially when you do not know what has been happening

Lil' Sis and me was told not to interfere.
But I told them to listen to me anyway.
For God's sake, I am not 6 years old you know.
I am god-freaking 26 years old. If I was married long ago, I would have had met my target of having 5 kids by now so don't tell me to hold my breath.
YOU OPEN YOUR EARS.

So anyway, the stories the caretaker said about my mom and nyai was very exagerrated or even most of it can be deemed a fitnah.

While he said that I have been telling my second cousin of his story. Why not? She was there emotionally for me during my toughest moments.

He said I have been splashing stories on him on the internet, my stories are facts.
I do not fabricate.
This is Singapore. Everything is written down in black and white.
From medical records to the cancellation of ambulance calls to the bank statements.
He was afraid we found out what he has been doing which was why he did not want to allow us to take care of Nyai.
He refused to release Nyai's IC to us.
Why?

He said my grandmother "pakai susuk tu pasal susah mati"
Kalau ikut hukum akal, Nyai can leave the world anytime but actually even I tinggal tunggu time
Aren't we all?

Any nurse who works in a X-ray room can tell you that susuk is visible on an x-ray film.
Nyai suffered stroke.
X-ray on the face and head - done.
Nyai was suspected of lung infection.
X-ray on the chest - done.
Nyai broke her leg.
X-ray on the leg - done.

He handed over Nyai's medical pension card, IC and ATM Card.
Still refuse to provide the bank statements
He gave an xls to jot down Nyai's expenses and said that was how the bank money went into a deficit.
Errrrr... what about her CPF cash? It was not included in the Microsoft statement.

He insisted that he wanted to return Mom's money in the joint bank account with her and Nyai but he said my mom refused.
Liar. NO ATTEMPTS were made
Instead the bank account was closed in June 2006.

Need me to say more?

With the handover, he told the representatives to tell us that he "lepas tangan pasal Mak Minah"
Me and Lil' Sis were smiling away..
Yeahhhhh Nyai will be staying with us
but he also added, "on one condition" we are not suppose to jejer about him.

"Jejer?"
I said, all we have been talking is facts and answered only when asked with questions like,"How is Mak Minah"

On the day after the conference, the caretaker said Nyai was ok cos she only had bisul
BISUL??
It is either he is stupid or the doctor is one hell of a blardy idiot.

During family conference #2, he admitted that Nyai had a bed sore but very small so he had the maid to nurse it with a "$12 cream satu tube", hence do not need to see the need to bring Nyai to the hospital.
The rest still believe him that my mother wanted to make a commotion out of nothing.

Everyone stood up by him to say my brother was in a wrong to bring Nyai to the hospital, out of his house, without his permission.
IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER, WOULD YOU STILL USE A $12 CREAM ON HER AND NOT TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL?

Subsequently, the story line changed again.
He said his wife was sick. Yeah I know. She went to the hospital 3 times only to be admitted on the third visit on grounds of dengue.
Yet your mother wasn't send once.
And yet didn't say thank you to my brother who, if that was the reason, helped the caretaker bring Nyai to the hospital.

Nyai has to bear with 'stuffing' of the silver nitrate in her fist-size wound and cover it with a 3cm think gauze pad followed by plasters to make it water proof.
Even doctors allowed the nurses to give her a little morphine during sloughing ie cutting the dead flesh, once every 3 days to bear the pain because there was still a chance of cutting the new flesh with nerves.
Till yesterday, Nyai was still on painkiller 3 times a day.

This is worse than the character of an animal.
Sebuas-buas binatang pun eh will protect the breed in the community.

Last couple of months, he told one relative, Nyai had a pension of $420. The following week to another relative $480 and a few days back $500.
It can be either of these possibilities.
1. He forgot his story line
2. He has dimensia
3. The government is feeling utmost generous with the increment

To date, Nyai draws approx $525.

He told everyone that me and lil' sis could not stand the smell of Nyai's poo.
We both have cleaned her poo and pee without surgical gloves.
She is our grandmother.

Him, out of Nyai's 20 days stay in the hospital, up to date, he came only on the 16th day.
Once.

He did went around jejer about my dad's children being rude.
His kids has yet to visit their grandma till today.
And at least as per my dad, we are not hypocrites. If we don't salam you, whether there is a crowd or not, we won't salam you.
His kids are otherwise.

So now when asked what is the motive of us wanting to take Nyai home with us, we do it minimally out of human compassion.
The caretaker left Nyai in our hands with $13.77
Over $80k worth of money put together - gone.
Money was never an issue if Nyai was given proper care.


He left her to us when his car insurance is due, so is his road tax and car inspection.
That is helluva money, which is why I am still not planning to buy a car.
He keeps telling everyone that my father is so arrogant with his Mercs.
Go sell the house(which he is already planning to), sell his cars, repay his debts and buy himself a Mercs.

He left her to us, with my dad having to pay for the caretaker's mistake.
If there was ever a motive, my parents would have taken Nyai in 10 years ago, when her bank account was full and when Nyai could still walk and talk.

One more question to what is the motive of taking Nyai back, it would be nice of me not to hit you.
Don't be Neutral. Neutral is stupid.
You have eyes, you see. Ears to hear. Brains to think.
Appreciate what He had given you.

Don't start stirring notes on the tagboard and then afterwards, say something like,"oppps.. no pun intended. Just trying to ease on both sides."

Don't be an idiot. Think. If cant, shut up.
Like I said, I would not talk if there is no black and white.
All I have mentioned here are records held by the government.
Again, I say, this is Singapore. My brother cannot call 995 and ask his friend to come by. Coincidences happen even with an ambulance van.

On a lighter note, we are undergoing renovation planning to make the house a more elderly-friendly place - a nursery.
Ramps, additional water heater.
A nurse maid to be hired. A private nurse to help with the dressing twice a week.
Physio sessions.
Me and Lil' sis will be learning how to do dressing, in case it is soaked earlier than the nurse could come.
Learning how to shower her so that we can teach the maid.
White sheet to be bought and definitely cotton clothings for her. Hospital bed and equipments in.
Everyone is excited to bring 'the baby' home. Even 'the baby' smiled when we told her the good news.

Dad just told mom to buy whatever Nyai needs and not hold back.
That is my daddy.