My confession

i think its time to be doing this. I've tendered my resignation on Fri, 18th Nov, without a job.. yup without a job.. I couldnt be staying here any longer. I'll mention why in a while.

I've preached to the people in my office not to quit their job unless they found one. I would understand the costs that they would have to live with. I just didnt want them to be feeling the pinch of having no money to spend. Who wouldn't like to spend? But I went against my own words. I resigned without a job.

Something I thought I would need to live in shame. Cos i'd be jobless for a while if i don't get a job soon.. But as much as i may be an idiot, I'm no bimbo.There are backup plans. Its what I call calculated risks.

I am happy and indeed very appreciative of the support I get especially from my parents, Shah, certain people in the office who understands my situation and surprisingly Zul. Being jobless is a taboo for me. I would feel useless,irresponsible and stupid. But I have thought it over.

Leaving may not be the right choice. But it is definitely a wise one. I am keeping my head high and my spirits up. Been contacting few people. My dad was right. Sometimes you need to be out of job so that you'dbe more resourceful in finding a better job.

I'd be picking up the pieces as i go on with my day. I'll throw away whatever is not needed and bring forward whatever is useful in my next journey of life.

I kept saying I have faith in God. He put me through tests at work. Some I live through it and this one I won't. That I am ashamed of myself. I failed in this test. I won't blame God in putting me through a long test. I blame myself for being less human and having little patience. I am indeed ashamed. But I have to do what I am going to do.

I still have faith in Him. That He is not going to make me waste my life. But I was in the cab this morning. I realised that Ihave been keeping quiet to whatever people have said about me. And as much as half of my mentality leaves it in the hands of God and half of it leaves it in the hands of God hoping that He will teach them a lesson. I would love to think that it is only human to be thinking that way. But God never wanted human to behave as such. That's why i am ashamed.

Too much human politics in my office. And its sad when it is people of the same racial group as me. I am ashamed at times like this to be calling myself a Malay and would firmly stick to my IC racial group: INDIAN.

I've given her enough respect.. Enough but again probably it is human to be stepping on people's head whenever you can. Enough respect that she does not want to lose her job. Enough respect that she is the sole bread winner. Enough repect that she held the processes longer than me. But why hold up all the work and not allow me to do tasks? And thereafter complain. I put up with that though now not anymore. I think there should be a time when I stand on my two feet and say enough is enough.

Well, if you indeed think I am bitchy, face up to me and tell me straight in the face. But probably i will laugh at them for being a fool. I played their game. It's about time they play mine. Time is running out.