Life is always a struggle

There was a period of time in my life, just recently, where I suffered from a burnt-out.
Alfi said I needed to focus and probably I will get things done. In a way, when he said that to me, I was a little upset.

I know he meant well, always giving me the motivation because he knows my limit is never to put myself a limit.
I am famous for pushing myself which I think I got that from my late dad.

I tried managing and dividing my time nicely but somehow things do not work like a clockwork.
With a family, 2 kids and a job, there is always something cropping up at the undesired timing.

I would plan to do Her Closet mail outs every morning before work and then head down to the office.
Lunch and then head home. Dinner, chill, settle the kids and when they tuck in, I will work on Her Closet.
Weekends are allocated strictly for tuition in the morning with the rest of the day strictly for family.

Sounds easy.

In reality, it isn't.

There can be instances where the kids are not well. Or I have an early morning meeting offsite and cannot do my mailing. Tuition has to be shifted because of family commitment. Orders cannot be replied because the moment the kids sleep, I will be right next to them sleeping.

Even on weekends, everyone seeks your time that it is very challenging just to have some nice time with your own family of 4.

So it is tough.

I was so burnt out that I made a plan. A plan to quit my corporate job and focus on entrepreneurship.
Alfi is a business consultant who advises a lot of SMEs daily so he is a free asset to me and I thought with my passion and his guidance, we would make a good team.
Plus, I had it with work. There was no work-life balance at probably the salary I am getting. Work had its own issues and it really pulled me down.
All i wanted to do was to go home and see my children because they never fail to lift that huge burden off my shoulders.
I enjoy giving them their evening showers, play with them, make them milk, wash them with every dirty diaper and at the same time, making sure Alfi had everything he needed to make himself comfortable at home.
It made me feel like a SUPER Mom.

So on 28th June was the day I had planned to 'throw letter'. I am so confident that I would make it on my own with tuition/enrichment classes, Her Closet and blogging. Social media is my forte and I knew with the focus, it could work much more for me.
Alfi & I sat down and calculated the risks and advantages.

It seemed like a very good plan. Send out my resignation letter, serve my one month notice and it was time to move back to my home in Ang Mo Kio.
It would be a fresh beginning for me and the kids. They would wake up to see me every morning. To date, Rania still wake up crying at times but always looking for me every single morning. I had no heart to bring myself to work (though when I am at work, the brain works differently)

But I was very geared up. I shared these plans with some close relatives and friends and they were very supportive.
For me, it was not an easy way out. It was a plan I thought was wise. A plan better for the family.

Come 28th, Alfi was in Hawaii. I called him to say if it is ok to 'throw letter'.
He told me to hold it. His instincts have always been right so I did not question (though I really wish I could but I was not in to spark off another baseless session).

I held my letter back.

I held my letter back but everyday I question what was in store for me. It did not take me long to find the answer.
We believe He is the best planner of our lives. So I have learnt to accept and move forward, keeping the valuables things in life close to my heart.

I always smile when I see the siblings interact with each other. How they would play (rough most times and I will rarely mediate).




How we our lives have changed so much just by having these wonderful gifts from Him




And most of all, I love how my children cling to me like I am their lifeline.
Nothing beats the unconditional love I get from both of them.




Life is always a struggle and a never-ending challenge. It will never change.
It is a promise for us on this Earth. But I am always so thankful of the gifts, the mercy and the love He gives me.

It makes my journey more bearable.
Much more bearable.