Between the blog and I

It is very challenging to put aside some time to do what I love to do. Blogging. But its ok.. at least I have proven to put aside some time now to blog aren't I?

I still love blogging.
Always always love.
I am always with writing juices in my head but there was never time to do it.
And then I ask myself, how the others could?

With one child and then with many children. They still could. Even my micro blogging went downstream. My twitter feeds are really little. My Facebook updates are only a handful and that means you can count up to 5.

Ok I am kidding.

The only thing that works like Xerox copying machine is the Instagram.
But just like the copying machine, it only executes. It feeds into Twitter and Facebook automatically and it takes a long time for me to reply to their responses.

Social Media is god sent to me.
How it fills up my time when I need to wait for someone.
How I relax myself with social media, when I was in labour and taking a break when newborn Rania was sleeping.
Now, everything is reversed.

It is always the same things which revolves around me then, revolves around me now. When I cannot attend to something, I said I am busy. But no one can understand nor fathom how busy I can get.

First, it is 9am to 6pm job, which now, it gets stretched because it is the new fiscal year for Microsoft and we are trying to kick in as much business as usual. Programs and activities are laid out and the minute budget is secured, we kickstart discussions and things need to fall into pieces quickly to meet quarter quotas.

Sounds dry?
Not this year for me!

Then after the working hours, I am squeezing tuition students, teaching about 3 to 4 times a week. Maths and Science. I always guarantee parents that my track records have been good and I promise them results. Students who come to me are failing students and my approach to every student is unique.

90 minutes and there will be intense learning, motivation and fun. The thing I love about teaching tuition that it makes me happy if I can make a difference to them. It always works because I have a gift of convincing.

Her Closet is transitioning to what I hope and work for greater heights. Details, insya allah I will share soon. And this time, I am not alone. Still, transitioning sucks!
Not that I love micro-managing. I do not!
I just want to be quickly freed up of my duties, only to realise back logs and storage of things. A lot of logistics and movement.

Trust me, no one and I really mean no one understands this predicament. But in any business, one must always peservere and I am always stretching myself.

Then other then these, I spend a couple of evenings a week with my mom and a couple more with my husband and Rania. A couple more with my hubby's families and a couple more with my own family. Life, though moved on since Daddy's passing (God knows how much I still miss him), is never the same.

Mummy's still crying daily though she is much better but I have been busy managing expectations and practically, the only time I rest is when I sleep.
The few hours before Rania wakes up for her night feed.

Mothering takes a lot of time.
Not that I fret.
I wish I have more time with Rania.

I would love to get pregnant again now that Rania is coming 7 months. It is amazing how fast she grows up. I come home to hear all the development updates from mom and deep down I am emotional that I was not there to see it. So I try to make it up with a lot of hugs and kisses or carry her no matter how tired I am, when she gives me bambi eyes and cried with no tears because I know she wants to feel me.

As she grows up, going to work is painful because she somehow knows it when I am getting ready. She cries or looks for my voice when I call home. I look forward to coming home. The minute I stepped into the house, I look for my daughter and upon seeing her, I will call out her name.

The gleam on her face?
OH MY GOD!!!
PRICELESS!

My little girl is really growing up. Hang in there ok sayang.
Mummy gave you time and space for you to enjoy it.
Return mummy the favour ok.
I just want to enjoy the time with you.



Let me.
I love you sweetheart.
xoxo