I am half seated on my bed now.
Yes, freshly showered in the middle of the night.
I will always shower before I sleep. If I decide not to, you find me on the floor.
I won't ever dirty my bed.
Ever.
Not even with my handbags which I may put on the toilet or table top.

Its past 3am.
A little late to write but have been definitely meaning to for the past few nights
I am not sure how long this is going to be but enjoy it while it lasts.

Enjoy it while it lasts?
A wise man said, "Nice is only one finger long". If you study in depth, a finger long is the length of your tongue.
Puzzle it together, you would understand that the moment you swallow your food, the joy ends.

But it is a cycle that will continue until you decide to stop.
Probably its the same for life.
Good things come and go. Better things come for those who wait.
Slowly but surely.

Two people mentioned it to me recently.

With that, we come across sacrifices.
Some call it opportunity cost. In the context of life, I prefer to stick to sacrifice.
Yes, sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
Its a daily thing. It is whether you feel the pinch of the sacrifice you make.
Some sacrifices are big. Some are menial.

But God is fair.
In Economics, there is an equilibrium point where supply equates demand, eliminating any opportunity cost.
Graphically, the equilibrium point will only be achievable when there is willingness.
The willingness to sacrifice.

Probably many would not get my drift or where I am getting at.
Too complex.

But then again, it is only meant for those who is given the light to understand.
I have spent months in an unknown theology.
Alhamdulillah, God had given me the space, time, and people to let me have a clearer mind.

I learnt something very interesting recently.
It took me hours to digest when i was told.

While there are always reasons for the occurence of one thing, where you are today is because of who you are and the decisions that you make.
I owe my life to the people who I meet/met and change the perspective of my life.
Those who satisfied and still satisfying my thirst for Life Knowledge.
I understood Islam better. I understood me.

But while it was disappointing, it was a hard fact in life.
The people whom we meet along the way are merely "accessories". While they play a part in changing a thing or two in our life, we only owe it to ourselves.

And of course to Allah S.W.T for He hand-picked the accessories for us.

I am still in the journey of my life where I am appreciating the empty, unfilled, void space.
Bluntly, I don't need a man to make me look cool.
Of course while there is a yearning to share a life with a soulmate, the bestest of all friends, I am sure it had all been written when.
So I shall not brood.

Plus, I have always had friends so was never terribly caught in a lonely situation.
For 26.5 years of my life (yes it freaks me out a little that I am turning 27), I had many cycles of friends.
While many were school bound, I admit, I lost friends along the way.
A couple or probably a handful.

Then again those were accessories, probably Bvlgari or Cartier or simply Tiffany with a loose catch.
Not tight enough to hold it together.
It amazes me how I found out through hearsay that there are many school mates who are keeping in read with this blog.
I never bothered to dig out theirs. Call me selfish, but I was never interested in their lives.
Not that they are in mine but they would read this and find something to smirk or grimace upon.

Honestly, it never concerned me in anyway.
I am not perfect.
I write about my flaws, disappointment, failures and sadness.
I write about my pride, my success, my goals and inspirations.
Don't get my writings wrong, for I never potrayed a model figure.

People who really know me, stick with me.
They know enough about my character, school of thoughts, likely actions and paradigms.
They know my ideals, thresholds and to the extent of load balancers.

Those who don't, would likely spin assumptions and design story flows.
I don't blame them. Probably they are really desperate housewives or xoxo-gossip girl which are the current hype today.
Still, the lengths they would take amazes me.

While my love life probably has null direction today, I have my days and nights very occupied that I hear mom nagging every night for me to get my beauty sleep.
I still have a direction with less variables and constraints.
I prefer to see it in that way.
Sacrifices to be made, are far more lighter in that sense.
Bottom line, I owe it to Him. Everyday. Every night.

Anyway, do you know I did not step into town for 4.5 weeks.
The minute I did, I said,"I'm splurging!!"
Problem was, I did not have much time to splurge. I wish shops did not close at 10pm.
I was at Zara shopping frantically for pretty tops.
In the end, I only bought a pair of pants and was the last customer to pay and leave the store.
That was how badly I tried maximising my time.

This is what happens when you shop on impulse.
I bought Jazz CDs. Whoever listens to CDs now when there is MP3.
But I bought it anyway to listen to them at home.



I bought books - Borders 3 for 2
Though I really wished Paulo had published another book.
I'd rather be doing hard reading than girl-reading which mostly made no sense.



365 nights of intimacy is the book currently reading.
Its a book on how couples survive with exponentially diminishing sex with their spouse. Of course, psychologically it interests me.

And I had a vain moment.



Can you imagine that we cheered at Nyai's first mail to our letter box?
*lol*



Plus, my family and I have to start walking around with this card.
Only because we said NO to Organ Transplant or Donation.
And because of that, we are not given priority to receive any.



I still despise the Islamic body who agreed to this.
Let's not have the Quran turn out to be another bible.

Still, we have a choice. I made that choice.
That is individuality for you.