What do you do when you get into an arguement?
Stay behind and talk it out or run away, waking up in the morning forgetting whatever happen the night before and pretend nothing happens?
I always chose the latter.
Probably it is just me.

And yes, i still do not know who i am.
Not that i am in search for an identity.
I never saw a need to have one. I mean, i mingle with all sorts of people.
Its just that i am more comfortable with the group of people whom i mix around a lot.
But i dun shun the rest. Bad or good.
Which i think why sometimes its just so hard for me to make up my mind.
I always thought i am fickled
I have always been fickled.
In my goals, my dreams, my partners.
Which i think is the reason why i am still where i am right now.

I am trying to make a change
For the better of the people around me
But i dont know where to start
And the best thing is that i am fickle about it.
If you think i am blogging in circles, yes i am.
And that is how a fickled-minded person work
They dont even know what they are talking about.

I was planning to blog on something else.
But i am disturbed for now..
I am running away from it now which is why i am blogging.
I can never bring myself to face the truth.
The truth always frightens me.
I have no idea why even when the truth is good.
I think i am crazy.

This is the season of maulud nabi.
I didnt know. I think i never bothered to know cos i dun quite frequent myself to the mosque.
I grew up liking it. And then grew up hating it.
Not because i hate going to the mosque but i dun fancy the people who usually mingle at the mosques.
This is MY opinion.. so continue to read on if you can take it.

I think the mosque is a wonderful place.
A place where i can feel so serene and somehow feel that i can surrender myself to God without being disturbed.
But no...
I'll tell you why..
There will be all these aunties who will tell you WHAT to do at the mosque
Which saf to take
Like hello!!! i felt like telling them to just go up ahead..
Seriously, its like the manage the whole women team or prolly going around telling what these youngsters need to do.
Worse, their gossips can really make my ear-drums burst!

Another thing is when i go to the mosque, you can see and FEEL all the girls who are around my age (give then a plus minus 4 years apart) looking at you to see who is a better muslimah than who.
According to what we wear
To how thick our make-up is
To how bad we look without our makeup when we are performing our ablution
To how we pray(whether we do our sunnat prayers cos some of them do)
To whether our prayer movements look sleek.
I mean like WHAT THE HELL
I am there to pray... and not to please the eyes of the public YOUTH.

yeah so that's why i hate going to the mosque.
But i have been starting to go since the past few months since mom has been going.
And i have been ignoring people in there.
I still do smile to certain people. And i still do have problems with people just pulling me to rapatkan saf.
Goodness... gimme some peace in conducting my own prayer.

I am heading down for a syarahan at the mosque opp my house and baby is gng to the one at Expo.
Its gng to be a morning event.
It is a good thing despite all those i've mentioned.
That i will tell you why tomorrow.

I just need to talk to someone for now.