I love my Aqidah class at Al-Falah.
I didnt even want the class to end... I dragged it to end.
For once I know the existence a hadith in which i could explain well enough.
This particular hadith that i learnt, people can write a whole book about it
Ustaz can give a class on this for a month.
How can I not fall in love with the class...


Ok..
Class aside for now

But I wanna talk about God.
He came into my mind when I was on the train to the mosque.
And i thought about my life.

Then I thought about the many failed relationships I had.
Those which really broke my heart.
Look at the word 'which'
You should know what kind of noun is tagged to the word 'which'.

Ouh ok well anyway, I thought of God and my many failed relationships
And I would take it as God wanting me to see the MANY men out there.
The different kinds
The different species
The different nature.

I came down to a conclusion:
1 man has 1 particular character.
He cant be the character A to girl A and character B to girl B
He will be character C(his own character) to girl A and B.
Get what I mean?

And his actions and reactions will be the same for all the girls.
Seriously all the girls.
Just the way they do it is different...
They will not change their character for Girl A or B.
NEVER.

I thought they would too..
But we women are not Miss Universe or Miss Lanky-Legs-Perfect-Figure
We are just women with our own flaws.
Created by nature.



The game's still the same.
The players just change.
But a particular player will never change their strategy.
Because they would be comfortable with the one that they have.


I know about these players in depth after i broke off with them.
Some of them within months.
Some within year/s.
How I come about knowing about it is with God's grace.
Really...
I never bother searching for the truth why my relationships dont work out.
When the relationship's over, there's nothing to work.
It over... That's it!


I found out the lies...
I found out the past...
I found out the dark side.
Then you start asking yourself whether all these while,
Were his feelings to you the truth?
Was whatever he did for you was sincere?
Was i whom he needed?
What about those words?
The actions?


For me i shook it all off.
Throw it down the drain.
Truth or lie
Sincere or insincere
Love or hate
I don't give two hoots
Cos its all over

And I thought that the men i dated were nice men.
Who wouldn't want to date a nice man?
Every girl would want a nice man.


But nope.....
All are trash...
All...


I am not the kind of person who makes things sour when things doesn't work out.
Whenever my relationship doesn't work, i try to fit friendship in.

But how to when years later
Or months later
You realise that they don't even deserve friendship.

Some people say:
Kalau dah ludah, tak akan jilat balik.

Tu orang...

But once i spit, not only won't i lick it back.
But i won't even bother to look what i spat
Cos it's terlalu menjijikkan don't you think?
So obviously, I dont even bother considering licking it back.

Therefore, all I could do on the train was to thank God
Cos as much heartbreaks i went through and question God about my failed relationships,
HE knows best.
HE just wanted me to see and learn.
I thanked God for taking care of me and protecting me
From being with the wrong men too long
For marrying somebody SO BLARDY wrong.
I thank Him from the bottom of my heart.


Does anyone out there happen to feel the pinch?
*shrug*
I thought it was just something in general....


FYI.