Au lang syne

The new year has come to welcome us again.
Alhamdulillah i get to see the new year
Thank you Allah

New year resolutions?
Nah... i quit making resolutions since i was 16.. As in after my 'O' levels cos i realised that there was nothing done it.. probably during the first month of the new year and if i am lucky, the subsequent month and it will stop there..

New year's wish?
Yes I have a few..
1) I pray I will be able to make up to me parents and be a better daughter
(this is going to be EXTREMELY tough)

2) I wish that I have a nice well-paying job.. That my life is filled with rezeki and barakah and insya allah some of these will proceed to the needy in terms of sedekah. Of course it is to also kumpul my duit kahwin and have a really nice honeymoon and many many getaways.

3) I wish i could balance a good amount with time, family, friends.

4) I just wish to start afresh. Forget the bittersweet and the painful past. Whether in past relationships or with people who was part of my daily life.. I wanna have a beautiful start. A start that can make me a better person...

5) I wish this wonderful relationship with rizal can last not only for the year or till the wedding. but in many years to come. He deserves it sometimes.. I'll tell you why in a short while.. An appreciation to Rizal.

So the New Year celebration...
I was drenched at Masjid India while shopping as it was really raining heavily.. Me and mom arrived back at the hotel at 9.10pm.
It was quite nice walking around Masjid India.. Me and mom looked around and get ideas for the wedding.. like for example how the baskets for the flower petals will look like.. the kind of berkat we can give.. berkat boxes.. candles.. page girls' dresses.. bunga telor's design..
I have the colour themes in my mind already.. I've got it all set.. but won't mention it here yet.. *chuckles*
But mom's funny. She sometimes tries to brainwash me that the wedding may not take place cos the rombongan has not taken place and dad hasnt know yet..

But anyway, we got back the hotel and showered and changed and we were so in the mood for new year and left the hotel at 10.30pm.
We walked to Bukit Bintang. The securities were telling us not to go in cos it was packed but we wanted to eat at Swensens. We secretly climbed over the fence and walked into a mass of human.. or prolly hooligans i should say.
The traffic going against us were pushing the crowd like mad.
The four of us manage to stay put together getting squashed..
My daddy was the BADANG and yes I was very touched the way he tried to keep people away from us so we could walk
but the force from the others was horrible.
The manager from Swensens was shouting at everyone to turn back and get out...
No one listened
Not even us
He turned to my mom and said,"Kak, keluar kak"
And my mom said,"We wanna dine. table for 4?"
"Sini da takder tempat lagi. Semua dah penuh. Kak baik keluar. Org tolak-tolak"
I was there, tip-toeing, trying to gasp as much air as i could.
Like a fish trying to get air.
Can u imagine the stench of this people and having them push ard..
My handbag fell off from my shoulders and i cant even put it back. Imagine the space that I have.
The manager continued with more urgency,"Kak, baik cepat keluar. Jangan masuk. Dah sesak sangat. Silap-silap ni nanti ader orang mati"
That was what i was thinking.
Can you imagine. I cant breathe and i am in a place so suffocated. My breathing jammed for a while...
I turned to dad and told him to follow the push which was the way out. Dad asked why and i said,"there's no way we can fight this crowd"
It was hard getting out as well.. One guy around my age screamed at my mom for pushing him. I was like,"BASTARD!"
And my mom was about to cry out of fright when i manage to pull her out.
Poor momma.

We ended up having a seat at Olio Dome. Midnight me and my sis was at the road screaming at new year fireworks and hugging and kissing in the middle of the road...
Can you imagine?
My mom joined us a few mins later after she said Happy New Year. She couldn't see us and was about to walk back to the dining table.
i ran after her and pulled her to watch the fireworks from LOT 10.
After that ended, the three of us ran hand-in-hand to see the fireworks from Regent hotel.

Talking about LOT 10, we met Ashraf there.
He came up and say hi and I was like
*jaw dropped open.. staring at him.. and poking my sister at the back*
then they laughed at me...
We saw his gf and we said hi.. Guess what his gf said.
"Oh hi"(turn to ash)"i took my spoon already"(showing him a spoon)
i was like,"oh he was supposed to get you a spoon? Sorry.."
And she said," it's ok.. i just thought which women was he trying to get hitched with"
*hmmm*
But my sister did a great job. wished her happy birthday and she left..
Me and ash looked at each other and i raised my eyebrow..

ok ok.. so finally
AN APPRECIATION TO RIZAL:
It striked me when I read Farah's blog (Zul's gf) She was so appreciative when Zul covered her head with a paperbag when it was raining.
That is Zul.. ladies' man.. sweet as ever..
I am known for doing reflections. i rather spend my time thinking of what happen in my life..
Then it striked me.. Whenever it was raining, Rizal would use his two hands to cover my head(cos we dun happen to have a paperbag *chuckles*)
My reaction:
Pushed his hands away and said,"You ingatkan ni aper? Hujan batu ker?"
And he would say,"I don't want you to be sick"
"Aiyah..won't get sick la.. My tudung already cover my head what"
And all i do with him is whine.. I dont get my way most of the time. But when I do i really appreciate it.
zam would say,"Gawd Shah, how do you put up with her?"
*lol*
Never once did Rizal threw his temper at me.
Be it me meeting him late.. which is all the time and he is very VERY particular
Be it me having my PMS and i get so tempermental and just scream at him and hang up the phone...
Dia la yang tukang melayan i punya kerenah.. nak mkn aper... nak gi mana...
In fact once, He got mad at me.But he didnt scold or anything.Just kept quiet.Merajuk la tu konon..
In the end I scolded him back... *lol*
So there was once I asked him,"kenaper u tak pernah marah i? Takder perasaan marah ke?"
"Manusia mana takde perasaan marah"
"Abih?"
"I kalau marah takleh marah u.. pasal nanti i kena marah balik"
Hahahaha
Kadang kesian tengok dia..

Rizal,
I have been thankful to God since the day you entered my life. You were my friend. A good friend which became my companion who listened to my late night weeps when I was having problems with Zul. And finally, I never thought i'd find a soulmate in you. Initially i loved the way you love me. But I realised it was wrong.
Even when you once asked if i loved you after a few months we were together, i said no but all you do was remain calm as if i said nothing wrong.
All you said was,"Its ok.. as long as you don't leave me, I dont mind you not loving me"
That touched me a lot.. no one said such things to me..
But I didnt love you still... I thought things weren't that serious until you said to me one day in the car,"I am ready to settle down."
I laughed."Really? with who?"
"With the person who is sitting beside me"
I laughed harder.. but little did you know reality hit me. I still tried playing it easy.. I told you my terms and conditions. My surprise: You said,"OK"
I had no way out.
I grew to love you. To know you better. The times spent was wonderful. Dont talk about bedroom times..we prolly never had any.
*lol*
It was really about the times we spent. The talks.. the many many talks we had.. the surprisingly common dreams that we share...
Thank you for the love you showered.
Thank you for the never short of attention.
Thank you for understanding the nature of me.
Thank you for accepting me for me and most of all thank you for all the wonderful memories we share.
May there be many more to come, Insya Allah...
Let's thank god I found you...

It's going to 5am now.
I have to wake up early
Going to mutiara Damansara... Guys.. the place is highly recommended to chill...
Good night peps!
Hope you guys had a good new year celebration.
Good night baby.. I know you have slept..